Daily Times

Dear Mathira & Rose,

I am a 30-year-old girl who has a younger sister. I love my sister a lot and treat her just like a daughter. She liked this guy who my mother didn’t approve of. My sister tried convincing her but my mother didn’t agree. One day, she announced to us all that she has secretly gotten married. We’re so shattered by the news. My mother wants to break all ties with her. How should I control the situation? Please help.

Rose’s advice:

I think your sister has taken a drastic decision which you and your family won’t be able to digest in a day. It’ll take some time. At the end of the day, she’s a mother. There must be a reason why your mom didn’t approve of this guy in the first place. Even if the guy is good for her, you need to see if he can provide for her, if he’s responsible, etc. Also, one needs to see if his family is approving of this secret marriage. Will they welcome her home? You should control the situation by giving your mom space and time to digest this as time is the best healer. No parent can just disown their child. Parents accept their child in the end. She’s bound to be upset considering how she raised and fed her, and to think that her daughter betrayed her. Parents want to be a part of their child’s wedding. Give everyone time. Things can’t be reversed. Although, I fear this would remain with your mom what her daughter did. But I feel once your sister has kids of her own, your mom would forgive and forget. Try keeping them apart for now as things might escalate. A big fight might break out and harsh words might be exchanged.

If you want advice on any issue, email us your questions at sisterlyadvice@dailytimes.
com.pk

Mathira’s advice:

I understand you have shared something very personal. I’ve been through this as well. I secretly got married to someone too in the past and it wasn’t worth it. The best part was that when my family came to know, they didn’t cut ties with me. They were angry but they stood by me. That was how I was able to stand back up. When a couple secretly gets married, the parents should pay full attention towards this child and focus on him/her and learn to let go of their mistakes. Because, there’s possibility that the guy might take advantage of this and might start treating her badly thinking she doesn’t have anywhere to go. The girl might end up harming herself owing to misery. If your mother wants to cut off ties, don’t communicate this to your sister. Things will get better and it’ll take time. Be the bridge between them and try keeping things under control. My message to all the parents whose children might do this is that instead of cutting ties with them, pay attention to them and don’t push them away.

If you want advice on any issue, email us your questions at sisterlyadvice@dailytimes.
com.pk