Daily Times

In the middle of the square surrounded by apartments, there was a big, grassy patch. But its greenery was not completely visible, since a major portion of it was engulfed with big, golden, dry leaves, the ones which give rise to a crisp, crunching sound when you step on them. Sara turned her eyes up towards the flat, which until last night, had been hers. The very wind that had inclined the leaves to part from their branches was now again swaying the foliage to and fro, hiding the flat’s window, as if trying to cover all those sins that had taken place in that flat. This very reason had induced her to fall for nature. Until dawn, she was in a state of fear regarding what would be her future, since her latest customer had abused her and kicked her out of her flat, making all the residents get to know that this obscure personality was actually a prostitute.

He had done so because she had refused to make love to him. She had grown tired. She had grown sick. She had started thinking that there must be some other way to survive. These thoughts had made her reluctant. And this reluctance had brought her out of her flat, her only shelter.

Then she had walked towards this patch and sat in the middle of it, with people staring at her from their windows, pointing fingers at her and whispering things in each other’s ears. This all had frightened her: the exposition of her personality, the funeral of her respect. It happens. You do fear society.

The fear had lasted till the time of dawn. The moment the Fajr prayer was called, she had felt as if her whole being had heaved and then settled down. She had felt as if she had been relieved of something. When the sun had started to cast its golden rays upon the earth, when the blue had started to appear out of the black, when the birds had started to come out of their nests and twitter, her feelings had started to change. She had started feeling at ease. The fear had started to melt away as if with the rays of the sun. And she had realised that this was it. Nature! These were those very attributes of nature that provide peace and comfort to hearts.

Uptill now, her whole life had been confined to one flat; all dark, all dirty, sinful, creepy, instilled with the smell of so many people’s breaths and haunted by her own muffled shrieks. Not that she had never decided to abandon this profession before but every time she had decided to do so, and had moved out of her residential area, she had run into some man whom she could recognise as being her bed partner once. She had started thinking that her past would never leave her. Thinking this, she had composed a poem once, for she loved poems. Her late father used to recite them to her. The poem she had composed for herself had been given the title “A Stained Past” by her, and it went like this:

It follows me like a thief

As if laden with gold am I

But laden I am with sins

How unfortunate am I?

Life would have been better

Had my sins been few

Or if not the case

Then an ability to change my hue

Like a Chameleon does!

So disguised I would be

And safe I could be

From the world’s eyes

And stop them from saying, “Guys!

Isn’t she the one?

Piety who chose to shun?”

How to look at the future

When in every step falls a tincture

From my stained past?

Which might forever last……

But now, as she sat there, she felt satisfied. She was oblivious of the several people passing by and throwing comments on her character. She was relishing nature. She was relishing the green grass on which she sat. She was soothing her ears by the soft rustling of the dry leaves scattered all around her. She looked up at the sky.

“It resembles a blue tiled floor,” she said to herself. “And the clouds seem like puffs of white cotton candy scattered all over.” “Cotton candy?” she murmured. “No! I must associate it with something else.”

Though no doubt that she had loved cotton candies once, but lately, she had started feeling as if she herself had become a cotton candy; pink cotton candy, pink, soft, sweet, sticky, and easily available.

“Let it remain as it is,” she said to herself again. “Let the sky remain the sky and the clouds remain the clouds. I must admire them for their own beauty. Nature is so beautiful. It never holds you reprehensible for your mistakes or sins. It puts a cloth on them. You feel as if you were never a sinner, but have always remained pure and innocent.”

This moment, when she was saying such things to herself, was the moment in her life when she realised that God does not only love pious people. He loves everyone and plans out ways to bring the ones who love Him and believe in Him closer to Him. He had gotten her kicked out of her flat, had made her walk towards the green, grassy patch and in a matter of a few hours, had shown her His countless creations. He had brought her close to Him. Maybe he had liked something about her.

That evening when she was found dead in that very patch, her face had not grown ugly, as people say happens to sinners, but it was glowing. There was a smile on her face; a smile of satisfaction. Her last resort was very beautiful. She had been brought out of darkness into light. Maybe because……….she had never committed those acts intentionally. Circumstances had led her that way. Maybe because she had never allowed it to turn into lust, but had always made love sufficient enough to provide her food for one day. Maybe because amidst all that clamour, she had often asked God to move her out of it. Maybe because………she was a nice human being.

When we stop judging people according to our criteria of good and bad, we realise that a little bit of beauty lies in every human being.

The blogger is a student of English Literature at Government College University, Lahore.