Daily Times

The idea for the nothing discourse has its origin in a writer’s block. Pushed by the editor during the holy month of Ramazan to come up with a contribution, all efforts to think or write were met with paralysis. Realistically, thinking during a 16-hour fast or after a scrumptious Iftar is a feat beyond human endurance. Hence nothing came to mind, which dovetailed into the first article on nothing. These chain of events then germinated into an idea to experiment with the nothing column.

Unfortunately, a quick internet search revealed that this was not a groundbreaking idea. Columns about nothing apparently are common, thus a discourse on nothing. Having always wondered how independent thought resulted in similar inventions across different cultures and locations, this particular epiphany was mind opening. Imagine gulli danda is golf in the making, except somebody else got there quicker.

If anybody likes something, nobody likes everything; somebody likes anything then everybody likes nothing. From this apparent gibberish, we can deduce that this discourse will be extremely successful. That is the great thing about a discourse on nothing; it can be about anything and everything.

The Economist just tweeted that a year ago, Norway’s prime minister held a 94 percent approval rating. Now there are calls for his resignation. That is the problem with democracy — nobody can make everybody happy and anybody can blame somebody. Personally having a vote nurtures egos, the feeling that one has the power to elect, however nonsensical since one vote can never matter, has the tendency to corrupt. In a mob-like situation the electorate finds itself in, the illusion of power is absolute, resulting in absolute corruption. So next time anger and helplessness set in, blame the elected representatives on the internet and organise a sit-in at the press club. Depending on the frequency of protests, there can be elections every quarter until evolution transits governance to whatever else.

Back at home, wonder whether any head of state ever achieved a 94 percent approval rating. Personally, ratings are overrated. Selection of a sample highly representative of the entire population is sheer luck and even then will not completely mirror the underlying population. Conspiratorially speaking, ratings are the preferred modus operandi of media to influence opinions for wicked objectives, primarily increasing viewership. What would be interesting would be a contest to select Pakistan’s most successful head of state after the Quaid. Perhaps some other country has already conducted such a contest; on the other hand, the idea might just be innovative. Properly conducted, the programme can be a useful medium to apprise the youth about Pakistan’s history and at the end all the viewers get to vote. All is well that ends with a vote!

There is another idea for a political TV game show involving the crucial ‘One vote’. Apparently this brainchild is being nurtured and firmed up for possible monetary gains and accordingly the nitty gritty is a secret. If the originator fails in endeavours to market the concept, a subsequent discourse can waste time on it. Don’t be surprised, a discourse on nothing is synonymous with wasting time. But then isn’t everything other than family, friends and workplace?

Realistically, what difference does it make to the common man on the street as to who gets elected or who does not. The life of the common man will continue in its normal pattern irrespective of who governs; seriously, how much worse can it get? Governments only matter to the movers and shakers, who have much to gain or lose and therefore ensure that they are favourably aligned with every power broker. Struggling with justice at the grassroots level, why would the common man be concerned with what is or is not contempt? Ever come across a debate that advertising creates demand? In retrospect, the sudden interest in political shenanigans can be the direct result of a hyperactive electronic media. Seriously at this very moment a news channel is covering foreigners protesting flight delays from Skardu!

Rain is a refreshing change after the heat wave, well at least by local standards. This should have a cooling effect on everyone. Pakistan’s elite is hotly opinionated and hardly anybody is receptive to the other’s viewpoint. From experience, debates should be avoided since nobody is willing to concede ground. Open mindedness is considered a stigma or a sign of weakness. Potentially every television talk show is a screaming tournament. If screaming was in the Olympics, a national medal would have been child’s play. The problem, highlighted many times before, is that sometimes the other guy is right and the dam will burst!

As time passes, the debates continue to get more and more polarised. At a recent gathering, there was a view that a particular leader had gained wisdom and would do a better job next time round. Another view was that good at sports means good in everything. Go figure!

Considering the chequered history of politics in Pakistan, the common sense view is that it should be beset with the ‘winner’s curse’. You only win when every other bidder thinks you are paying too much. In this case, nobody else wanted the job. Amazingly, the position remains highly coveted for some unfathomable reason.

Diehard or cult-like political following is another enigma. If such support was purely on the behest of family elders who might have benefited decades earlier from the action or inaction of the then leadership, such support should have tapered off and disappeared with time. On the other hand, if the support continues and people are considered to be rational, then the rural masses seem to disagree with the elite. If both are rational then they know something we don’t!

On a different note, the French prime minister has pledged tax reforms and apparently his government is going to stick with the stated policy of increasing the rate of taxation for the rich by 75 percent. Definitely a unique way to control population growth, all the rich will probably migrate. Is this opportunity knocking? Maybe the rich French can be enticed to invest in this part of the world.

On a more serious note, is socialism on the rise again? Income inequalities need to be addressed, but the solution is not making everyone poor. A discourse on nothing cannot be complete without mentioning golf. If the objective is to improve putting, eat carrots. And if that works, inform the author immediately.

Intelligently but modestly, this discourse on nothing stands concluded. Do take out the time to send comments and suggestions for the next edition, if the editor agrees to run it in the first place. So until next time, as Mr Spock would say in Vulcan, “Live long and prosper.”

The writer is a chartered accountant based in Islamabad. He can be reached at syed.bakhtiyarkazmi@gmail and on Twitter @LeAccountant