Daily Times

Almost all Pakistanis have witnessed and some have taken part in at least one so-called ‘long march’ in the last few years. Few of the organisers and virtually none of the participants, however, know the origin of the term long march. Those who do are probably smart enough not to take part in these silly mini-long marches.

Pakistanis call it ‘laang (long) march’ — which is as it should be — in order not to be confused with the historic Long March. The ‘millions’ — which is less than 100,000 — who take part in these laang marches will be surprised if told that the genuine thing, the mother of all long marches, took place in China and it was led by the Communist Mao Zedong, a professed enemy of god and religion. Somewhat ironical because the leaders and participants of Pakistan’s laang marches claim to be soldiers of Allah, baying for the blood of infidels, heretics and blasphemers, no matter where, including the distant Denmark.

Most recently, we had Professor Doctor Allama Tahirul Qadri leading a highly publicised laang march. Last year, the so-called Difa-e-Pakistan (Defence of Pakistan) Council had organised one, which brought together, literally clasping hands, Imran the Great Khan and the self-proclaimed mentor of the Taliban, Maulana Fazlur Rehman, not to mention the Jamaat-e-Islami’s Munawar Hasan, the inveterate enemy of all blasphemers and the godless, with the exception of the Chinese.

In 2009, it was Mian Nawaz Sharif and the year before it was the lawyers who created quite a law and order situation by taking the law into their own hands. Both of these marches were for the reinstatement of the deposed Chief Justice. Since his restoration, the twice-suspended honourable Chief Justice has resolved to keep the nation in a state of suspended animation for as long as it takes him to suspend the current political dispensation.

All laang marches germinate in Lahore and terminate in Islamabad. Fair enough, for if Lahore is the historical, cultural and political heart of Pakistan, Islamabad is its administrative head, protected or threatened — it depends on who you ask — by the army’s top brass ensconced less than 20 kilometers away in Rawalpindi, guns ready. But like all things Pakistani, including the country’s name itself, the long march is deceptive, for it is not a long march at all, neither long nor even a march of boots or bare feet. It is a motorcade of vehicles, from bullet proof SUVs to tractor-trailers, which trudges along at a snail’s pace along one of Pakistan’s best highways, the Grand Trunk Road, passing some of the country’s most populous and prosperous cities and towns, covering all of 303 kilometres, take or leave a few. Well-fed and in a festive mood, the ‘marchers’ are cheered on by crowds, some adoring, others curious and the rest for lack of anything else to do.

Out of fashion, now, are hartals or general strikes, when everyone runs amok and strikes everything in sight, moving or stationary, animate or inanimate. In contrast, long marches are considered prestigious and are increasingly popular, for everyone gets a free ride to lovely Islamabad, besides free food and some fun, which is as scarce as electricity, gas and water.

Pakistanis like all kinds of imported stuff, including culture and religion, which is why they do not like Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism and Ahmadiism, which are all native to the region, the last two being as Punjabi as sarson ka saag (mustard greens). For their part, Indians have a fetish for things Hindustani. Hence, they emphasise Hindutva while we pay homage to Arabia. I suppose it all started with Gandhiji’s obsession with homespun khaadi (cotton). Or perhaps one could go as far back in Indian history as Ram Raj, if there was such a thing.

Be that as it may, Bombay is now Mumbai, Madras Chennai, Bangalore Bengaluru and Trivandrum Thiruvanthapuram. I do not know whether it is for fear of fundamentalists or out of respect for history and Islam that Allahabad, Ahmadabad, Mohammadabad and Hyderabad (to name a few) continue to be called by their old (and sometimes not-so-old) names. Long march they call yatra, just as Suzuki is Maruti, Vespa is Bajaj and 1962 model Morris their proud Ambassador.

Imran Khan tried to introduce a new term in our political vocabulary by calling his movement a tsunami. But the word did not catch on, either because he has copyrighted it from somewhere or due to the fact that most Pakistanis have never experienced the sea, except those we export to Europe, the US, Canada and Australia, hidden away in ship containers or on rickety boats. Those who survive the high seas will not bear to hear the word tsunami anyway. Perhaps the Great Khan took fright himself, fearing that a tsunami may sweep away all Khans, failing to distinguish good Khans from bad. Or perhaps he realised it was not such a good idea after all to borrow a foreign word when he refuses even to wear a foreign outfit except when he is in the west, but then every wise man knows that in Rome you should do as the Romans do. So, out in the west, one ought to dress as they do, just like that famous Roman, Silvio Berlusconi.

Now, back to the long march. The real Long March of the Red Army (1934-35), under the leadership of Chairman Mao Zedong, covered over 10,000 kilometres on foot in 370 days through some of the most rugged terrain of China, constantly pursued, harried and attacked by their enemies — the troops of the Kuomintang-led government, half a million strong. Their goal was to escape enemy encirclement and destruction. Of the 87,000 Red Army soldiers who began the march, less than 10,000 survived. And history knows of only the Chinese Long March, considered to be one of the most inspiring feats of survival and heroism in history. Like most things in Pakistan, our long marches are a very absurd and pathetic imitation of the real thing of foreign origin.

If politics is a substitute for warfare, then Pakistani long marches are a substitute for politics. A laang march every year keeps the demagogues in good cheer. Besides, laang marchers do not run amok; they just have fun, in addition to free food, television time and a good distraction from the tsunami of paucity, illiteracy, idiocy and militancy.

The writer is a former academic with a doctorate in modern history and can be contacted at www.raziazmi.com or raziazmi@hotmail.com