Daily Times

As it’s the seasonal wave of open letters I, Sana Khan Afridi, after much deliberation, am writing this OPEN LETTER to all the fat shamers around the world, especially to Asian communities on behalf of all the sufferers like me and you.

Scrolling down my newsfeed I saw a status from one of my friend stating how devastated she feels about all those who fat shame her and us all. Definitely, we do feel devastated, broken and irreparable! Yes irreparable because words have more significance than anything in this world. Your words can mend and break people at the same time and if actions to be adjoined it can have more adverse effect.

Growing up I saw everyone around me as healthy as they could be. Belonging to half Kashmiri and half Pathan dynasty I myself have been chubby (almost) throughout my life. Even my friends’ circle had been the same; we all used to be healthy, chubby and broad. And the love for food we share was irreplaceable. But the most important thing was, despite all this we were trying hard to achieve the goal of our perfect body.

Deep down in our hearts we knew how people used to label us. How they used to say things behind our backs and how tiny we were in front of their so called compliments like “hey have you ever thought of doing any exercise for your love handles but you look cute” yes you little maniac! Yes I have tried hard to let go of that stubborn fat there. Do you think I want to live with a chub body? Hell no! Even I have dreams of a perfect body but remember nothing is perfect!

“We’re always too skinny, or too fat. Too tall, or too short. We are shaming ourselves, and it sucks.” – Emma Stone

Well yes, the desires are endless and not only they we ourselves shame us on each and every moment of our life. Every single day we think of our flaws instead of being thankful for what we have.

But to all you fat shamers I know who criticise us for not looking as perfect as they think: I workout for my very own satisfaction and bodily health. Yes it relaxes my mind and soul. I do not workout for your satisfaction, approval, disapproval or your guide to a skinny life. I do it for myself. Yes I do not very often lose weight but at least I try! Your label of health does not define me and my body! If you do not consider me skinny that is absolutely fine with me, even if I do not have muscles I really do not care as long as I am satisfied with myself.

People have bodies; a certain shape, size or measurement does not describe the beauty and certainly it does not make you superior but your character does which you have already ruined by fat shaming people. There is no wrong way to have body, it’s all natural. Yes exactly like your erection and periods!

Your words matters a lot use them wisely. Yes! You people label us as cute, sweet, chubby and much more. Why do you think a person who is healthy or fat just cannot be beautiful and pretty? You people are the reason why majority take selfies only and are afraid to show off their bodies in the pictures. Because a selfie just cannot show you the body, in fact the whole story and suffering! Fat shaming is wrong, absolutely wrong and so does the fit shaming.

You know it feels like I am fighting a new battle every day, definitely it hurts to see yourself suffering and fighting. And to much astonishment the battle isn’t against any demon but us. Are we really being touched by the society and it’s norms that only a perfect body can describe us? I guess yes, but nobody sees the struggle we do every day to achieve the highest.

“Every weight loss program, no matter how positively it’s packaged, whispers to you … You’re not good enough. You’re unacceptable and you need to be fixed.” – Kim Brittingham

Could you imagine a person lifting his/her body with the weight of more than 100 kilos and doing exercises like plank, burpees, pushups and even weight training? Do you even know what does crossfit, hiit, tabata, cardio and weight training mean? Maybe you do know about one or two but let me tell you that exactly like these ways of weight loss you also do not know the pain you cause someone who is already suffering. Fat shaming someone does not make you superior but way more inferior in character, morals and brought up. When you judge someone by their appearance that does not define them but you!

“Is fat really the worst thing a human being can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain, boring, evil, or cruel? Not to me.” – JK Rowling

Stop idolising Victoria’s Secret and Play girl models you aren’t one of them and you definitely do not need to be one of them or even if you’ll try, you’ll will. So come back to the earth from the Venus, moon or even Mars! The fat has been there for years and it will be shed yes it will but slowly and with the passage of time. Your words just cannot shed it away. In fact your moral support can make them work harder towards their goal. And to be honest who are you to define someone?

I remember when I won the All Pakistan Debating Competition a friend came to me and said, “You are absolutely amazing congratulations but do not you think that your one flaw can overcome all?” Well no mister! My flaw cannot overcome all. Beat me with your abilities and knowledge not with your words because they are as shallow as you.

That’s exactly the mindset of our society. Mothers, aunties and everyone want their daughters to have a perfect body, they force them to be perfectly good but in all this they forget that how much damage they are causing to the poor souls by saying things like “you are fat nobody will marry you, you look ugly, your life will be miserable” or even much horrible things like “your husband will leave you because you are fat”, I mean give me a break! How can you say things like this to a woman who just gave birth! And yes the women of our society have this typical mindset that if they will become fat their husband will run away! Excuse Me! He has married you it’s not a business deal. Stupidity at it’s peak! And despite all the efforts they remain the same in size but their depression, anxiety, pain and tension increases just like their weight due to stress.

“Fat-bashing in all its varied forms–criticism, exclusion, shaming, fat talk, self-deprecation, jokes, gossip, bullying–is one of the last acceptable forms of prejudice. From a very young age, before they can walk away or defend themselves, women are taught that they are how they look, not what they do or what they know.” – Robyn Silverman

And it’s not only related to girls but boys too. Their friend circle and family fat shame them. You know what? Instead of all this shaming, try to be helpful towards them. What will you get by shaming someone, just some kind of fun and that too for the time being but your fun and trying to be cool thing will melt away that poor soul.

Do you know what its like to live on a diet restricted to 500 calories a day only? Do you know how it feels to live on a liquid diet for a week? Do you even know how it feels like to have protein intake for a week? Or do you even have any idea of fad/crush diets? Let me tell you. No, you do not have any idea about this! I’ll tell you what they do to our body. They not only make us weak, unwanted, aged but also weaken and destroy our immune system. And oh yes! Our hair starts to shed though all we wanted to shed was fat. Our eyesight becomes weak, grey hairs, lower calcium intake, vitamin D deficiency and much more. They make our nails yellowish (due to less calcium intake) yes that’s not because of the use of cheap nail paints but that is because of the very understandable fact, diet.

Do you understand the risks of exercising with excessive weight. Even treadmill can cause you much harm. Now imagine a 100kg person lifting himself or bending for burpees, the weight will affect his knee and eventually the bones which are fragile to this kind of weight will CRACK. To be honest, you do not know anything and nor you understand. And even if you are a bride-to-be it’s understandable that you need to look fit but people specially your loved ones fat shaming you won’t make the weight or fat shed. In our society brides and those who are in a committed relationship suffer the most, mostly after official announcement of the marriage or nuptials.

Even I myself am fighting and trying to shed the same. First I thought it was for my wedding for which I wanted to look perfect but there is nothing such as perfection. So I decided to do it for my own self not because there will be my wedding but because I want myself to be healthy and fit. Trust me your advices, lectures, remedies, and shaming are what I just do not need but your support, love and care.

Our dilemma is that we want people to live their lives according to our thinking and we often forget that in this way we are harming their personality, self confidence and self-esteem. Everyone is born with different abilities, capabilities, nature, features and body. Your body only belongs to you, all those who fat shame you will regret it eventually because karma is a bitch and we know that too.

In the end, be generous to people and make this world a better place as we all are different by ethnicity, cast, creed, religion, blood, moral/social values and BODY.

“You need to be happy with who you are and, whoever that is, let you little light shine.” – Kelly Clarkson

Sincerely with love and care,

Sana Khan Afridi