Daily Times

In many recent addresses, Prime Minister Imran Khan has spoken about the high divorce rate in society owing to ‘western influence’ on people in Pakistan. Observers say that he has objected to divorce in a manner that makes it a discouraging act even for those women who are bearing the brunt of abusive and violent marriages. They say that instead of discussing the topic with some rational perspective, the premier generalized it to an extent that women who want to quit abusive relationships will now be helpless.

While highlighting the negative consequences of divorce, PM Khan forgot to mention the plight of women who have to live forcefully with their husbands and in-laws and cannot ask for divorce as their own families threaten to abandon them afterwards. A seemingly depressing analysis on the subject matter by the country’s prime minister will definitely open more challenging paths for women who are already facing a taboo around the issue.

Experts have claimed that given the patriarchal norms of the society and divorce being highly stigmatized, the prime minister should have been cautious while mentioning the issue in public. In a Pakistani society where every sort of compromise is being referred to a woman upon which she is expected to save her marriage, such comments will induce more societal and family pressure on women. Living as a vulnerable segment of society, a woman already has to bear physical violence from her husband as her family tells her to surrender to save her wedlock. Such a mindset will exacerbate domestic violence and other gender-based crimes in society. According to the women’s rights group ‘Aurat Foundation’ more than 8,000 women were killed last year because it has been found that they had complained about violence committed by their husbands, or sought divorce from them.

Right activists have found that the topic of divorce in courts is taken as a “sin” where police and other legal authorities berate the woman’s family if she aims to initiate the divorce.

Analysts say that some conservative households subject woman to “honour killing” if she tries to take divorce, escaping from an abusive marriage. According to the orthodox approach, a “divorced” woman puts a stain on the family name and is worthy to be slaughtered. That forms a prominent reason for women to bear the beating and thrashing of her husband to live with him though unhappily as she knows she will be killed anyway if she returns being divorced. This inadvertently gives rise to domestic violence. According to the study ‘Tracking Numbers: State Abuse Against Women and Children in Pakistan,’ 1,422 instances of domestic violence occurred in Pakistan during the second half of the year 2020. It is seemingly difficult to speculate the intensity of the crisis as a myriad of cases goes unreported.

Right activists have found that the topic of divorce in courts is taken as a “sin” where police and other legal authorities berate the woman’s family if she aims to initiate the divorce. They make judgments about her character and blame her for a “failed marriage”. Some even try to convince her parents or guardians to resolve the matter peacefully at home and do moral counselling of the woman so that she can change her decision. This creates insurmountable and threatening pressure on the family of the woman who then compels her to live on compromised terms with her husband. Experts have deduced that more than half of abusive marriages in Pakistani society are saved from divorce just because the woman has learnt to compromise with her husband. The financial dependence and family pressure have made her immune to every maltreatment offered to her by her husband. A report by the US Department of State states that women who are harmed by their husbands are “reluctant to pursue charges because of the stigma attached to divorce and their economic and psychological dependence on relatives.”

Aurat Foundation’s resident director, Shabina Ayaz, said women should avoid tolerating violence or endure a life full of misery and violence. “It’s wrong that our society and culture tell women that once they’re married they should accept it until death,” Ayaz said.

With such difficult and painful events experienced by women in our society, the leader of the nation should judge his words before making any claims or judgments. It should be pertinent to mention here that in the opinions of the most notable experts, Pakistani society majorly comprises of women belonging to humble backgrounds who hardly gain any western influence. Such generalized and biased statements from PM Imran Khan will further suppress their freedom to govern and exercise their rights. Instead of arranging means of rehabilitation for such women, they are being threatened to live under abuse.

According to various experts, the role of clergy and religious leaders is also instrumental in making divorce a stigma. They believe that divorce is a grave sin and should not be approached by any of the partners in a marriage. Also, they regard it imperative to respect the sanctity of marriage and label seeking divorce “an unwise act.” Analysts say that such scholars are also against the liberal and empowered woman as they think that she exercises her western influence on cultural values and supports parting of ways from her spouse.

Experts maintain that the subject of divorce ought to be handled carefully in religious seminaries with giving rational advice to the people who come to seek them. A generalized outlook should not be given to the couple especially to the women who live under threat and coercion.

While our religion allows both men and women to ask for a divorce, such behaviour is usually expected in a patriarchy-driven society from a husband as the onus of saving a marriage rests only upon the shoulders of a woman. Also, when a man seeks a divorce to quit abusive marriage, he is not being berated and loathed while when a woman tries to do that, she is made to submit and surrender. Thus, gender equality is far from being practised fully in our society. Karachi-based lawyer and writer Abira Ashfaque says, “If popular culture is any indication, a man’s right to unilateral divorce is celebrated and reinforced in people’s minds, whereas a woman’s rights within marriage are limited.”

Seeking khula in a bid to escape from abusive marriage is an unequivocal right of a woman as per the religious injunctions. To protect the sanctity of marriage, she should not be forced to live under coercion. Society as a whole and the parents, in particular, need to understand that the Muslim faith does dislike divorce but there are also exemptions to it. It should be made clear that divorce or khula is permissible if both parties refuse to remain in unison despite efforts. Society ought to admit that “a divorced daughter is much better than a dead daughter” and if a woman wants to discontinue her marriage giving up on an abusive partner, she should be allowed to fully exercise her right if all efforts fail to save her marriage.

The writer is a sociocultural critic with a focus on human rights. She can be reached at mehmilkhalid@gmail.com.