Daily Times

The Merriam Webster defines a ‘thumbs-up’ as “an instance or gesture of approval or encouragement.” According to some, the origin of this gesture lies in Roman times, the gladiatorial games in the Colosseum. If the baying crowds gave a thumbs-up, it meant ‘live’, while a thumbs-down meant ‘die’. There are others who say that this is pure myth, an invention of Hollywood. Whatever the truth may be, on Facebook, the modern-day Colosseum, the ‘like’ button has become a matter of life and death. The FB ‘like’ affects, and is a reflection of, the user’s mind.

You put up a post. No one likes it. Do you feel upset? A straw poll suggests: yes, you do. It can make or break your day. Let me try and decode the inner life of an FB ‘like’. FB users, who are in the business of liking or not liking posts, can be divided into 10 or 11 categories. These types, like types of diabetes, are universally applicable.

The first type is The Abstainer. You don’t ever click on the like button; you don’t expect your posts to be liked. But you still keep posting. To be one requires tremendous character. These self-anointed FB saints are as rare as Nelson Mandela. The baying crowd in the FB Colosseum, though, thinks of them as losers.

The second type is The Reflexer. This person is impulsive, has poor control over emotions, as well as the forefinger on the mouse. The hand has a life of its own. He or she might experience severe mind-body disconnect. You see the button, you involuntarily click on it. Such people are also likely to suffer from compulsive-obsessive behavioural disorders in the non-virtual world.

The third type of FB liker is The See-saw. The see-saw clicks on the like button, only to instantly unclick and withdraw the like. This usually happens in a matter of seconds, not more than 10. Such a person conflates reality with FB. The wavering is not because of the quality of the post. It has to do with the terms this person is presently on with the poster of the post in real life. She might go ahead and like a post, and then think: this guy’s been acting funny with me. He didn’t take my call yesterday. Unclick. The see-saw’s mind is full of imagined slights.

The fourth is The Stern Examiner. For this person, giving a like is like correcting exam papers. He or she is stingy with the marks. This person will like a post only rarely. If you have been at the receiving end of such exclusive gratuity, you are supposed to feel blessed. Ah, today, X liked my post. I must be doing something right.

The fifth is The Manic Depressive. There is no regular pattern to her choices. Such a person will dole out likes like toffees on days she’s feeling happy; she might also disappear from the ‘liking’ scene for weeks. These erratic likers are not taken seriously by the FB community. Their likes have little value.

The sixth type is The Lend or The Scope. This phrase is borrowed from Doon School slang, which I came to know of when I was teaching there. The Lend flatters to deceive. His liking your post is a means to some end he has in mind. He is ‘scoping’ for personal gain. This type plays on a simple human foible: you like someone’s post, he will feel happy, and then you ask him for a favour.

The seventh category of liker is a sub-species of The Lend. Here, what happens is that two likers are scoping to get something out of each other. They keep liking each other’s posts; it’s mutually beneficial. It’s a kind of tacit understanding, a version of you pat my back and I’ll pat yours. Warning: Sometimes the expected return-pat can inexplicably become a scratch. This means that one of the two parties has reneged on the unwritten agreement.

The eighth is The Do-Gooder. This type seeks out lonely ‘un-liked’ posts, the mangy pie-dogs of the Facebook frontier. For him, giving a like is like performing social service. On the flip side, and this is interesting, he will deliberately not like posts that have already been liked or shared several times over. For the do-gooder, an FB like is like state funding: it should only go to the neediest sections of the population.

The ninth category of liker is the Hiya. Giving someone’s post a like is a way of exchanging an informal greeting. Hiya. How’re things. Thinking of you.

The tenth is the Hanger-On. This category of liker clusters around one person’s wall and likes every post she puts up, whether it’s about an earthquake rumble or a photograph. The hanger-on is like a devotee. The much-liked guru basks in the virtual love and keeps posting more posts.

Finally, the Sour Puss. This one is quite common in the subcontinent. The sour puss is a mix of sulk and envy. He will like the posts of your close friends, but will never like your post. Secretly, he hopes that you will soon realise this lack of his like in your life and feel bad about it.

Now that you have read this piece, you’re thinking: should I like it or not. Decide which category you fit into and do what you like.

A version of this op-ed first appeared in print in Mail Today on May 8, 2016

The writer is a freelance journalist and author of The Butterfly Generation