Daily Times

“When virtue is lost, benevolence appears, when benevolence is lost, right conduct appears, when right conduct is lost, expedience appears. Expediency is the mere shadow of right and truth; it is the beginning of disorder”?Lao Tzu

There cannot be any qualms about good conduct and decent manners. As Swami Sivananda said: “If you do not know the laws of right conduct, you cannot form your character.” Unfortunately, nowadays, we are teaching our children everything but fine manners. The art of conducting oneself in a courteous style is on the decline. One mostly gets to experience harshness or lack of care at the hands of both acquaintances and strangers. Somehow or the other, a bizarre idea of not stopping children from whatever they are doing has crept into the mindset of young parents. They consider it against child psychology to take stern actions or verbally reprimand when their kids are found misbehaving, acting stubborn or refusing to taste the food placed before them. Making things worse, the young brats today have learnt to get their way using methods that cause embarrassment to their frustrated parents, who willingly accede to their unreasonable demands.

An overwhelming majority of children are curious and destructive by nature. When these qualities are coupled with high energy, the result can well be imagined. Give a child a toy and after a while, all that would be left are its mutilated pieces. If it is a musical one, the source of sound would stand explored. If mechanical like a car, it would be dismantled, perhaps in the search of the person behind wheels. Anything rubbery would probably be chewed off and of course, a mother’s cosmetics and personal items-invoking the greatest interest-can never be secure in a child’s hands.

A bizarre idea of not stopping children from whatever they are doing has crept into the mindset of young parents.

The most frightening aspect of indifferent parents and unruly children visiting the homes of their relatives or friends is when the prying ones (who are unable to sit still) start poking their nose around, much to the alarm of the horrified hosts. Any dangling decoration could be pulled off; crystal pieces might end up shattered; items moved to serve their convenience; drawers and rooms inspected for fun; drinks spilled on the floor and staircase bannisters maybe used to slide down. Some may even go to the extent of messing with sensitive objects like the music system or television: the list goes on. All this occurs when parents show a least-pushed attitude with no concern for their children going on a rampage. They feel no remorse for their hosts’ loss neither do they make an attempt to restrain their young ones from inflicting harm.

During this time, dilemma of the hosts is apparent from the anxious look on their faces and their helplessness in refraining from stopping or scolding their guests’ naughty imps. Some might dare to use physical force to hold back such kids but it comes at the cost of marring relationships or invoking the anger of their guests. Many hosts, who have had troubling experiences or faced mortifying situations, ensure that children, especially toddlers and tweens, are off the list of invitations. Hosts with mature kids are prone to dislike the presence of kids in their homes. Therefore, they prefer not to invite those who may be in the process of raising a young family.

The big problem these days is the lack of capability in parents to teach good manners to their offspring. Many think that schools are responsible for this, whereas the truth is that manners are acquired at home. Schools are meant to learn reading, writing and gain knowledge while children bring the values of their homes. Whether it is respect for the teachers or care for fellow class-mates, only sensible parents can instill these in their children. There can be no alternative to manners- polite and good social behaviour. Only the sophisticated ones know their worth. They understand that manners are crucial for not only peace and harmony in a society but also for contributing to the self-image of people. This makes them feel good about themselves. Such people give and earn respect, appreciate others and get appreciated, show care and consideration. In short, they are instrumental in building healthy relationships and friendships.

Pier Forni, professor at John Hopkins University in Baltimore, who died in 2018 at the age of 67 said: “The rules of good manners are the traffic lights of human interaction. They make it so that we don’t crash into one another in everyday behaviour.”

This is probably a compelling example about the importance of good manners and the earlier this is understood, the better it is for individuals and the society as a whole.

Teaching manners to children is not a big deal for parents. All they need to do is lead by example by speaking politely to them and of course others, frequently using phrases like “please” “thank you” and “excuse me.” They should show respect to others and have due regard for views they hold, be good listeners, acknowledge the significance of good manners, help create a congenial environment for youngsters so that they observe manners naturally without appearing pretentious. It has long been realised that good manners are fundamental to maintain order and civility in social interactions. Children who display good manners are cherished by all who come into contact with them. They are noticed, appreciated, loved, and also in great demand for any occasion besides bringing a good name for their virtuous parents and adding to the pleasant environment of educational institutions, in particular, making them conducive for learning.

The writer, lawyer and co-author of many books, is Adjunct Faculty at Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS)