Daily Times

Dear Mathira & Rose,

I am a 30-year-old guy of Christian faith living in Lahore. I had this huge crush on my best friend that developed into love and I never really told her because firstly, she is Muslim and secondly, she was already seeing someone. I was also seeing someone at that time and because I was sure nothing could ever happen between me and her, I married my girlfriend. After marriage, my wife moved abroad as she found a job there and soon, I’ll be moving there too after the necessary paperwork. I hang out with my best friend, the one I loved and one day, we were driving and I just told her how I felt. I know it was stupid of me to tell her now especially when I’m married and will be going abroad but honestly the thought of going leaves me in dread. I’ll never be able to see my best friend like this or hang out with her. I’m also not getting along with my wife over the phone maybe because of long distance, so all these emotions combined, I just told my friend what I feel for her. Surprisingly, she took it really well. She told me that she had a feeling about this but I should focus on my marriage as that’s the right thing to do. She also said that she loved me too but I had made my choice. She suggested we put this aside, remain friends and that I should just focus on my marriage etc. I kind of got the feeling that she doesn’t feel as intensely as I do and I’m fine with it. I just had to get this off my chest before going which I did. Honestly, I don’t want to go. I feel stuck now after marrying her. I want to be with my best friend even though nothing can happen between us but I still want to be here where we can hang out whenever we want etc. I’m fighting with my wife everyday on the phone. Help

Regards,

Confused

Mathira’s Advice:

You’re fighting with your wife because you’ve got your hopes pinned to another person who’s your best friend. It’s your mind that’s made your wife the villain and not accepting her because you’re in love with another girl. Your mind is making a mountain out of a molehill. I think your best friend is a brainy girl and an intelligent woman so to say. She made it clear that despite feelings, marriage can’t happen. Sometimes you can love each other and be friends. Sometimes you can love each other from a distance. If you love someone, let them go. It’s okay. You don’t have to cause pain to yourself or your wife. She’s found a job there and I’m sure she loves you a lot that’s why she’s calling you there. Just because you got to confess your feelings to your best friend and she reciprocated, you forgot your wife’s love? Was your relationship and bond so weak with her? People are really weird sometimes. They dwell on what if so much that they forget the present. It’s useless to think about what could’ve been. It’s human nature. You’re taking your wife for granted. Please don’t do that. You’ll end up destroying two women’s lives. A confused man can never build a happy home with anyone.

If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @real_mathira

Rose’s Advice:

I think your friend is absolutely right about nothing happening between you both. Most probably she doesn’t feel the same way as you do. One thing I always tell people is to focus on their marriages. Your wife is making all the effort for you to join her abroad. Just because you want to hang out with someone, you’re willing to waste the other’s efforts and feelings. Sometimes, we don’t get to be with the person that we love. It’s better to marry the person who loves you rather than the person who you love. Maybe she loves you like a best friend. Best friends also have this amazing chemistry. I would suggest not to throw away your marriage. Don’t cause someone heartbreak because of your childhood love. You both belong to different religions also so marriage can’t be on the cards. Had you confessed in time also, either she would’ve wanted you to convert or vice versa. More chances are she would’ve wanted you to convert. I don’t know how religious you are but these things are complicated so let’s not get into it. All I know is things would’ve gotten really messy. She’s your best friend, you love her and can always remain in touch. It’s not like you’re going away forever. I think you’re meant to be with the woman you married so don’t overlook that.

If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @rosemohammed777