Daily Times

“All my class fellows are well settled. Every other day, someone is throwing a birthday party or another one is getting married, but they usually do not invite me to birthday parties and weddings. Interestingly, I am quite ok with it and happy as well because I know who I am, where I am going, and clear about my targets in life”.

Qaisar said it all to me in a normal way during our afternoon walk in the Boys hostel playground of King Edward Medical College University Lahore a couple of days back. His light brown eyes were shining with confidence on that beautiful sunny day. Just at the age of 26, when the majority of our youth is entangled in confusing relationships, self-identity crisis, seeking external validation, and draining in epicurean lifestyle, I was extremely moved by the clarity of his thoughts, positivity in attitude, genuineness, life values, future targets, and a passion about creating his brave new world.

During my tough battle with Covid-19, when I came out of it as “Survivor” yet not healthy enough, my mind was psychologically affected with some of the heaviest forces of self-reflection and journey from “Being to Becoming”. I undertook a trip to interior Lahore to breathe in history for a while, but this walk with the young man proved to be a watershed between my two paradoxical states of self-deception and self-actualization. He shared with me six secrets of success and happiness that I believe every young man and woman should know for building clarity in life. For me, it proved to be a catalyst in my ongoing endeavors towards reaching my goals and to be remembered as an “Over-Achiever”.

The first secret he shared is, “Value the Time” you have in this world. Our time is very limited and Allah has given us this opportunity to create something larger than life by rising above ourselves and utilizing every ability, resources, and potential.

We are presented day in, day out, with sanitized versions of people’s lives which lead people to want and desire the ‘perfect life’ which in truth is not attainable even by those who are presenting their lives under the guise that they are perfect

Secondly, “always have limited, a few but resourceful, trusted, and empowering friends in your social circle”. They can support you reach your goals. They have the magical power to make your tough times easier and happy times more cherishing. As it is said, show me your friends and I will show you your future. Be sure that in the game of life, you are not always surrounded by great players; most of the time you have to carry yourself and the team as well.

The third important secret he shared was amazing yet hard to follow for many of us. “Set yourself free from every person who is a “Stopper” “Breaker” & “Diaper”. If your relationship or friendship with someone is stopping you from becoming what you want to be in life; his/her absence or presence is continuously breaking in your way to be loyal to yourself and the mutual bond is one-sidedly extracting your energy, attention & time, you are on the wrong train. In such relationships, you are like a gas balloon that has been tied to a stone from the other end. It makes all efforts to lift itself for space but the stone doesn’t allow it to be free. There are people in our lives like that stone. Take off all such stones from your back and rise.

Forth secret, “Everything you are doing in the present moment is going to BUILD or BREAK you in the future”. Act wisely and never lose your highest sense of self-esteem because there is a very thin line between liberty and indecency. A sense of loneliness sometimes forces us to lower our standards and this is the point where we need to stand up for ourselves or die on our knees.

At number fifth, he sighed and said that the life of one of football’s greatest players Diego Maradona teaches us about the effects drugs can have on a person: how drugs can affect and ultimately bring down even the greatest, and how addiction can become a plague on the human being. Maradona died at the age of 60 and was regarded as a God to the football-mad citizens in Argentina.

Last but not the least, “No matter how far you have become, there is always time to stop, reflect and take action for starting a better life with your “Life Partner (husband/wife)”. Always be sincere and loyal to your partner, explore him/her and you will sincerely find so many reasons to begin over a happy and successful life. It will not only raise your level of self-confidence but also will help you to make powerful decisions in the course of life.

While ending up our walk, he just looked up at the sky where an airplane was slowly diving to its defined course in the air. He concluded that in life we must be as clear about our goals and choices as the airplane is clear about its designated route to reach its final destination. Hence, let’s try to be a genuine and meaningful version of ourselves, no matter how bad the world treats you. Let’s embrace the fact that in today’s world, where through social media public image has become more important in society than ever.  We are presented day in, day out, with sanitized versions of people’s lives which lead people to want and desire the ‘perfect life’ which in truth is not attainable even by those who are presenting their lives under the guise that they are perfect. Therefore, what are your secrets to a happy and successful life?

The Author is a Doctoral Researcher at IUIC, Chairman of PARAS Education Services, Co-founder of the University of Success Islamabad, Fellow of PGLS Russia & 35th Event Wise, Netherlands. He tweets at @AsifMalik30