Daily Times

It is a paradox that we derive a special kind of pleasure by being un-happy with our own fate. When we fail to achieve our goals, due to our brooding and inactive nature, we sink into unhappiness even though the fault in most cases is ours. Rather than trying to find reasons of our unhappiness in a reflective and rational manner, we blame the circumstances for making us un-happy. Ironically, like the jilted lover, we try to inflict pain on our own selves in reaction to the circumstances with which we cannot properly cope for our own inadequacies which in turn bring us more un-happiness. By constantly living in such a mode, we become addicted to un-happiness, which becomes our habit of mind. With the passage of time, this state of mind becomes a morbidity, which is most unfortunate and needs to be fully analyzed.

For Aristotle, the most notable of the metaphysical philosophers, happiness is the highest desire and ambition of all human beings. In his opinion, the way to reach it, is through virtue. In other words, if one cultivates within oneself the highest virtues, he or she will embrace happiness. In contrast to this belief, Epicurus, another Greek philosopher thought that happiness comes through seeking sensual or earthly pleasures.  According to Nietzsche, living peacefully and without worries is the desire of mediocre people. True happiness is obtained by constant action.

Modern thinkers have highlighted Behavioral patterns that lead to unhappiness, such as staying indoors, isolating oneself, excessive drinking and poor nutrition etc. Amongst cognitive patterns that lead to unhappiness, are feeling dissatisfaction over the past deeds, and being afraid of the future. To fix unhappiness, one should identify and change negative patterns, keep evaluating, and improving one’s conduct to stay happy.

David Sack M.D., an eminent expert in addiction psychiatry says that people who appear addicted to unhappiness tend to find reasons to be miserable when life gets “too good”, prefer to take the victim role, and compete with others to see who has it the hardest. He says, that there are several scientific studies indicating that many people develop a feeling that they do not deserve happiness.

According to the UN Sustainable Development Solutions Network, India’s ‘happiness ranking’ dropped to 140; way behind Pakistan, China, Bangladesh

Happiness is not a one-pill drug. It is always elusive and we have to search for it forever. We quite lately come to learn that the answer always lay within us. By all means, we have to get rid of this un-happiness by getting rid of our “unhappiness addiction”. To achieve this end, we have to overcome the familiar feeling of dread and guilt that has been born and bred within ourselves far too long. This is a kind of masochistic feeling that even if you laugh out loud for a few minutes you are actually preparing yourself for the next bad thing that comes your way. This is what is called addiction to unhappiness.

The studies of most psychiatrists have led them to conclude that “unhappiness is a luxury, and some people are addicted to it. These people have been led to believe that they must remain un-happy because that is the only way they can perform. It is pitiable that for them suffering on an everyday basis is the only way of living because they subconsciously believe that by taking the hard road and looking at things pessimistically, they are going to produce better results. It is like expecting that God Almighty on one fine morning will feel their pain and then give them something to feel truly happy about. There is a traditional belief ingrained by our parents in our childhood that if you laugh too much, you will have to cry a lot too. This subconscious feeling makes us unhappy.

The people who are more resilient and have better coping strategies are less unhappy. They do not feel defeated or frustrated even by very adverse circumstances, because they have trained themselves to be happy even in most adverse situations. According to the UN Sustainable Development Solutions Network, India’s ‘happiness ranking’ dropped to 140; way behind Pakistan, China, Bangladesh. Since the people of New Zealand have good resilience, they are happier than other countries. Most un-happiness is due to remembering the troubles of the past and anxieties of the future. To attain true happiness, one must get rid of the victim mode, make the best use of the present hours by enjoying every second and let the future take care of itself. It’s far easier to fall into the unhappiness trap, and brood than to get up and change the habit.

According to Bertrand Russell, happiness is not something which is achieved without effort; it is a kind of conquest. In his book, “The conquest of happiness”he says that for happiness, we have to work on it and cultivate it in order to achieve it. Only a generous spirit brings delight and joy. And these, in turn, are sources of energy and motivation. They also provide strength when it comes time to solve your own problems.

Russell identified eight maladies that were causing unhappiness in his age: Meaninglessness, competition, boredom, fatigue, envy, guilt and shame, persecution mania and fear of public opinion.Russell dismisses theslogan of some of existential philosophers who say that “Everything is meaningless.” He calls it a form of intellectual snobbery. According to him, “If I lived forever the joys of life would inevitably lose their savor.” Because of death, according to him, “life remains perennially fresh.” In our own days, Steve Jobs, one of the most successful inventers of our time, in his last speech said that the thought that one is going to die is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking that you have something to lose.