Daily Times

An abused child is the one who is threatened or actually harmed physically, emotionally or sexually. Child abuse and parental negligence are two faces of the same coin. Sexual and emotional abuse is the hardest to recognize. Children get victimized due to lack of awareness .The molester takes advantage of this ignorance and take further advances. Gradually the child feels responsible for the abuse and fear an angry reaction from the parents and prefers to remain silent. While reading the article sitting on your comfortable sofa you must be thinking that it’s only the poor street children who are vulnerable to such abuses. But in reality those from the affluent class are equally vulnerable, as we teach our children to trust the servants, extended family members and family friends without drawing any boundaries. As an educationist and a mother myself I have witnessed abuses at common public places, public transport and cars driven by drivers. The twenty minute journey from school to home, or a mere five minute walk from the school gate to the car with the servant is a good enough window for the abuser to take advantage. Countless times you must have seen small kids sitting on the rickshaw, car driver’s lap at school,s home time. It’s a very basic example of mild molestation occurring due to child,s lack of awareness. Fondling, touching, hugging, kissing, making the child sitting on the lap or picking up the child by drivers, servants or any relative is something we have accepted. Ironically kids are left alone in the car with the drivers and above all they are asked to take care of that child…sigh! We don’t teach kids about their right to say no. Here are few rules defined by the experts to prevent child sexual abuse.

1) Teach them at a very young age about the private body parts and don’t let anybody touch it whether its deliberately or pretentiously in deliberate by anyone.

2) Keep on telling that a secret game or a secret plan should always be shared with parents.

3) Explain to them never be scared of threats or black mail tactics. .

4) Don’t take any complaint by a child lightly if a child is uncomfortable with someone don’t tell your child that he misunderstood what happened.

5) Monitor your child’s internet use as it has become a favorite place of pedophiles.

6) At any cost avoid one adult /one child situations.

7) Do not underestimate the cyber bullying factor.

8) Talk to your child that if any person is extra sweet to them n tries to lure them in privacy never follow and always report it to parents. Explain through daily life example … Like the shopkeeper or the game centre owner asking the child to come inside so they can show something ….

Most important of all you have to repeat the efforts on regular basis as children have a short memory and they forget easily. Secondly it gives them the space to express if any such thing happens.

The most common misconception by parents about child sexual abuse is that it can happen only at some isolated place , sending kids to market , game centre , your own backyard , traveling in car , rikshaw and school van with driver is safe . No it’s not, it takes place in a very befriended way that a child remains silent…….reason lack of awareness.

There is no gender discrimination anyone can be a victim.

Unfortunately despite the terrifying child abuse ratio in our country there is no formal awareness and prevention plan for it. Schools should conduct an awareness class on weekly basis. The fancy private schools include books like kaleidoscope on child rights in their syllabus just to fulfill the formality, there is no simplified teacher/student interactive sessions There is hardly any parental awareness seminars on such issues, just a handout is given in once in a blue moon to dust off the responsibility. We observe emotional/physical/sexual abusive acts yet prefer to remain silent. Such accidents cannot be excused we own moral responsibility for it. The government badly needs to work on an emergency basis to stop the heinous crime. Understandable handouts should be distributed in all schools and madrassas on child abuse awareness. Like the polio campaign, dengue fever awareness campaign the government needs to formulate the child protection campaign as well.

“Childhood should be carefree playing in the sun not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul” -Dave Pelzer.

On tv there should be a consistent public awareness message to educate parents and children on child abuse prevention.

As parents we need to come out of the mind block that all is perfect and we know better. Parenting is day by day and moment to moment. Our children need our presence more than our presents. Consider your child’s physical, emotional and sexual protection as important as the child himself/herself. Make certain boundaries and rules and stick to them. The child abuse protection pehchan foundation’s slogan goes likes ” Bachey sab ke sanjhey””. So share the responsibility, raise awareness in your surroundings, stop and report such incident, stop the molester. Always remember they are coward internally, stop considering a child sitting on a domestic servant’s lap a mere act of affection. If any unfortunate incident happens don’t blame the child for it. Panicking and overreacting to the child,s information is the worst thing to do.Learn to trust your child,s instinct . They are vulnerable make a protective boundary line for them through your guidance.

We need to review our role as responsible parents and citizens and accept our shortcomings. To protect our kids we need to speak up and come out of taboos. Are we willing to protect. The question is to be or not to be?

Nabiha Shahram is a children’s right activist and a former educationist