Daily Times

Decrying the standards of the Pakistan Cricket Board, Sagheer Butt, a 37-year-old Lahori weighing 200 pounds, told reporters that the fitness of the players of the national cricket squad isn’t what it used to be.

“The fact of the matter is that o gal naee raee,” said Butt, biting into akulcha slightly before the Lahore city pages hit the press at 10pm. “I think the players have stopped being even slightly interested in fitness to begin with.”

Speaking of Muhammad Hafeez, who hasn’t had a meal of his choice since 2014, Butt said, “I think I would shoot myself if I were in such a position, I swear.”

Butt, who has started developing a “third chin” slightly before his 36th birthday, said that the players are so lazy that they don’t even seem to try to move around a bit. They must be really used to a lazy life, while looking at footage of Anwar Ali, a Karachi-born pashtun who used to work a shift at a sock factory before making it to the national cricket squad.

“I think they don’t even have the energy to get up and get a glass of water for themselves,” said Butt, who didn’t have the energy to get up and get a glass of water for himself.

This article originally appeared in Khabaristan Times and has been reproduced with permission