Daily Times

As parents of differently abled children ourselves, we know that parents can feel a range of emotions when our child is diagnosed with additional needs: loss, helplessness, anger

“So, your child is mentally retarded?”

“What is wrong with your child/family?”

“What did you do to make your child this way?”

“Your child must have special needs because you didn’t pray/eat/exercise/love/take vitamins enough.”

These are some of the comments that parents of differently abled children living in Pakistani communities hear regularly. As parents of differently abled children ourselves, we know that parents can feel a range of emotions when our child is diagnosed with additional needs: loss, helplessness, anger. We also feel guilt. Lots of guilt. We ask ourselves a lot of questions about what we could have done differently for our child, our family. Within that emotional context, these sometimes innocent, sometimes deliberate comments can feel like tiny knives twisting into our souls. Unlike other communities around the world that reach out and hold the most vulnerable close, our society turns away from us.

But that is not the whole story. There are many differently abled individuals who are stepping into the spotlight and inspiring us by rewriting their stories. There are organisations and people who are stepping forward, reaching out and supporting the special needs community We have also set up a platform to tell these stories and raise autism awareness and acceptance in Pakistani communities. Our main messages to parents are that their child’s special needs is not their fault; that they need to accept their children for who they are and love them unconditionally; and have hope that their children can become the best version of themselves and do what they can to equip them with the tools they need to negotiate the world.

It is in this context that we were horrified when on March 17, 2020, Punjab Information Ministe, Fayyaz-ul-Hassan Chohan, while briefing the press about coronavirus, targeted children with disabilities and their parents in a way that was extremely insensitive and disrespectful. He classified differently abled children as “divine punishment” for the sins their parents had committed. In the midst of his rhetoric on deceit and greed, he forgot to shed light on a trait that is greatly condemned in our religion: lack of empathy. He did this during neurodiversity week, which starts on March 16, and ahead of the Down Syndrome Day on March 21. He did this when there is widespread anxiety; the pandemic outbreak of coronavirus dominates news, and any fear-inciting rhetoric is hard to curtail.

As parents of differently abled children ourselves, we know that parents can feel a range of emotions when our child is diagnosed with additional needs: loss, helplessness, anger

As parents of differently abled children who have committed our lives to minimising stigma around special needs, we are frustrated and saddened to the core. A statement like that of Minister Chohan being aired on national television reaffirms our knowledge about the widespread stigma around disabilities in our country. The fact that such harsh and immoral comments were passed by a leader has diminished our hope for eradication of disability-related stigma in Pakistan. Among our larger public, there are countless who thrive on superstitious beliefs like evil eye, black magic, inner demons, or divine punishment, attributing the etiology of every known disability to either of these reasons. The few socially aware individuals, whose moral compass of life is empathy, are mainly those who personally know or are related to a loved one with diverse neurological needs.

The anger among individuals with disabilities and their families over the comments passed by Minister Chohan is palpable. In order to demonstrate this, we, on behalf of organisation, Our Small Wonders, conducted a poll on the Facebook group, Special Needs Pakistan. It is a support platform for Pakistani special needs individuals and their families. As of now, there are 351 people who have voted in favour of an apology from Minister Chohan, and 211 who voted for the minister to step down from his designation; 41 of the latter stated that he should resign from politics. Alongside devoted special needs parents like these who united to sign petitions for societal empathy, we would also like to laud the efforts of Network of Organisations Working for People with Disabilities, Pakistan, and Federal Minister Shireen Mazari, who both stepped forward on Twitter in support of the special needs community.

Consequently, Minister Chohan apologised for his insensitive remarks about persons with disabilities. The question remains: How do we as a society eliminate this lack of empathy, and excess of stigma around special needs? This can only be done if we are truly able to put ourselves in the shoes of individuals with additional deeds. In order to acquire this level of societal awareness, there is a dire need to cut the use of derogatory words like “retarded” in our everyday lives. We need to have more awareness that our everyday actions have consequences, for example, when parked vehicles block disabled access areas. A good example would be that of some urban shopping malls that recently initiated free access for special needs children or allowed these children access outside formal opening hours. In rural areas, there is more to do. We know right now that somewhere in our country there are still disabled people who are tied with chains to trees in an attempt to exorcise their “inner demons”.

We need to do more so our communities support and love our most vulnerable. We need to work together to make awareness and acceptance grow faster. We need to encourage empathy in our lifestyles by educating ourselves and those around us. We need to be kinder. Stronger. Braver. To become fierce advocates for all our differently abled individuals. So that we can create a society where all our children have the help and hope they need to become the best they can be.

Starting with those who need help and hope the most.

Zainab Kizilbash is an economist, mother, writer, and co-founder of Our Small Wonders, an organisation that works to increase autism awareness and acceptance in Pakistani communities

Isha Fahad is a Milieu Counselor working with special needs children in Boston, USA. She is a former LEND Fellow at the Boston Children’s Hospital, team member at Our Small Wonders, and mother of one