Daily Times

Most weddings are meant to be remembered, at least by the family and close friends. Extravagance is then an intrinsic part of every wedding, and the level of extravagance depends on the financial wherewithal of the family involved. Weddings belong on ‘society’ pages of newsmagazines, but a particular wedding somehow ended up in the op-ed pages of this newspaper. First was a ‘con’ and then a ‘pro’ article. I have no interest in getting involved in the debate about this particular wedding, and wish the bride and the groom a long and a happily married life, and as the old biblical blessing goes, may their tribe increase.

Weddings for those that could afford it have always been grand affairs and all of us old enough remember the glamour and pageantry that went into the Prince Charles and Lady Diana wedding. It was at that time referred to as the wedding of the century. And we all know how that marriage ended. I must admit that I have over the years attended quite a few ‘grand’ weddings both in the United States (US) as well as in Pakistan. Though I must also admit that more recently, my ability to tolerate the ‘sensory overload’ that accompanies most modern weddings has become a bit difficult to endure.

Over the last few decades the entire wedding ‘continuum’ has evolved. There were always the two primary events, rukhsati (departure of the bride that often also included the religious marriage ceremony) followed a few days later by the valima (reception from the groom’s family). Then there were the secondary events that usually preceded the religious ceremony and the rukhsati. Of these, mehndi (henna ceremony) was the most important, and around it were other minor ceremonies or essentially parties with music of some sort. The one thing I noticed a few decades ago was that the mehndi ceremony was becoming the primary wedding function as far as the young people were concerned.

For upscale weddings and associated ceremonies we now have event managers, event planners, event consultants or event designers that will plan all aspects of, what else, the event. So now the bride (it usually is the bride) and her family hire the right planning ‘entity’, and dress up and turn up at the function. All the events surrounding the wedding are now planned and managed so that the immediate family just has to approve the ‘concept’ and pay for the arrangements. Venues have become a problem for the main events due to official limitation on time and the menu diversity. The emphasis then is often on the secondary events that may escape official oversight.

Most of the event managers have deals with newspapers and magazines that will provide pictorial coverage of these events. The larger the event, the greater the coverage. And the circulation of these newsmagazines goes up when they cover extravagant weddings because both the families as well as the many guests buy these magazines to see their own pictures in print. With the modern penetration of social media, pictures and videos can now be widely disseminated without having to depend on the formal news media. This then creates a buzz about the event in social circles that was lacking in the old boring days.

Much of what I have mentioned above is designed for the young people. What then about the old fogies that are paying for all this stuff and their old fogy friends? Here comes the concept of ‘destination’ weddings. These are events held in unusual places or even outside the country. For those living in Pakistan, such an event held beyond the reach of the Punjab government allows all sorts of revelry, extravagant menus and diverse libations without any time limits on the proceeding. Here it is important to point out that if a wedding in the Punjab exceeds officially set time limits or other mandated parameters, the police will raid the event and arrest the groom, especially if the event is being held in a ‘public’ venue.

The way modern weddings are evolving especially in places like Pakistan where there are laws making it difficult to have a good time, it is possible that we might start having two types of weddings. One by those that can afford them, like the one mentioned in these pages earlier, and the other that is based on ‘virtual reality’ technology. I am sure some young people out there are already working on an app where the less financially endowed couple and a few family members and friends can go to a studio, record some ‘blue background’ scenes and then have computer generated imagery of exotic locations with a large number of well-dressed revellers added on. These images are then shared on social media. I am sure for ordinary folks like me it would be difficult if not impossible to tell such an event from the real thing.

From a moral point of view, many oppose the idea of extravagant weddings. But then we recently went through the ‘festival of the sacrifice’ where religious obligations were transformed into an orgy of animal slaughter. The richer you are the more animals you slaughter. So what then is the difference between such extravagance and that of a wedding? As F Scott Fitzgerald rather famously said: “Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me.” So the very rich are indeed different, and they will always find ways to make that obvious. So no point in getting upset about that. And extravagance in all sorts of events does support a large number of members of the working classes.

But as far as weddings are concerned, Sahir Ludhianvi’s verse about the Taj Mahal is probably relevant: “Ik shahenshah ne daulat ka saharaa lay kar/Ham ghareebo’n ki mohabbat ka uraya hai mazaaq” (an emperor taking advantage of wealth has demeaned the love ordinary people have in their hearts).

The author is a former editor of the Journal of Association of Pakistani descent Physicians of North America (APPNA)