Daily Times

Though I always knew the power of an even smaller act of kindness, I never had a real assessment till a similar act of kindness occurred as a “game-changer,” a turning point to take the lost controls back in life.

Yes, age has nothing to do with wisdom. Yet, the calm demeanour of the young psychology student has been something out of the world in it. “I want you to achieve your best potential sir,” she said and continued, “The thing you need to do is understand your mental or emotional bock, be kind to yourself while addressing it and then find a way to channelise to soothe the pain, suffering or whatever pressure that initially caused it.”

“Do you think it’s only you who had to deal with such disorder if you have to take it as a disorder?” she looked at me and added, “If so, I would like to tell you that that’s not the case.”

While being relatively at ease, due to her utterly non-judgmental attitude, I heard her explaining there were so many people, even several celebrities, who had faced or were facing such challenges.

Chrissy Teigen, Prince Harry, Dwayne Johnson, Chris Evans, Lisa Nichole, Sophie Turner, Cara Delavigne, Lili Reinhart, Emma Stone, James Franco and other most celebrated figures were just recently diagnosed with such mental issues, she added.

Soon after, I came to learn that our mind mainly functions to protect the body and itself. In case of external pressures (extreme grief, economic loss, family feud, emotional shocks and conflicts), the brain functions to save itself from getting exploded when the pain or pressure seems to be touching a certain threshold. The brain, in such situations, starts creating a “bubble,” a fantasy, an unreal world where you are free to do everything; to break the laws; to disrespect the taboos; to venture in the imaginative “perversions” and, thus, cut itself from the unfathomable realities of one’s surroundings in real life.

Age has nothing to do with wisdom

“Just to release and divert the pressure as a ‘safety valve’, as ‘escapism’ though I won’t ask you to share the details of what kind of pressures you had to deal with,” said the young social scientist when I wanted to know how our mind takes control of us and we tend to talk rubbish and unreal.

“However, what I could tell with certainty is that the pressures are there and I want you to have a better understanding of the nature of pressures and develop a strong will to deal with so that the phenomenon doesn’t damage you further,” she concluded.

For the next couple of weeks, with deep introspection, I found the angel-like youngster was right. Even the people in most advanced societies found it hard to seek help for the negative societal serotypes linked with such mental illnesses. In intellectually underdeveloped societies, the risk of social and economic isolation, other exclusions and people with ordinary social skills and understanding ganging-up against you would be even higher.

The real irony lies in the inability of society to not only understand and lend support to people in dire need of support but a total lack of apathy and the absence of kindness for each other. The way we react and behave to while finding any of our relatives, friends or co-workers is often reflective of our collective callousness, a lack of empathy and a knee-jerk reaction out of a designed and structured set of moralities. Such reactions and behaviours immediately suggest punitive measures or pushing the person in need of support to further isolation. The more simplistic we would be, the crueller and callous approaches we would opt for.

As it’s easier than done, an act of kindness, immediate support won’t automatically redress all of your suffering or result as an improvement. Many conscious efforts and struggles are required before you can revive yourself after receiving some support. While your mind would be helping to find new and constructive solutions, it would side by side continue to suggest you ‘escapism’ for quite some time. I had to go through this conflicting situation of mind to finally take all the controls back and restore the orders. However, the little support and kindness you offer could be the first step for someone to get healed up and overcome the challenges gradually.

Societies lacking the element of kindness perpetuate the environment where crimes and criminals may thrive, but the harmless “transgressors” would be vulnerable to its wrath and venom. Thus, we not only exclude but also isolate and torment thinking minds. The finest people do otherwise. To change this at the societal level, we need more development practitioners and social scientists to build a society based on kindness and understanding. That’s the only way to create a more humane society.

The writer is an Islamabad-based analyst