Daily Times

Last year in October 2018, I was invited to a friend’s family meeting where they were having an emotional debate on whether they should send their mother to a nursing home or not. The room was full of people of all ages, mostly over fifty. While I was settling in the corner of the room, I heard a whisper “it is an absolute insult for Maa Ji (mother)”. Their mother was a diagnosed with schizophrenia psychosis and her doctors kept pushing the family to place her in a nursing home where she could be monitored and treated on a regular basis. Maa Ji’s family was worried about “what people will say”. “How will we face people?” Maa Ji’s son shouted at the top of his lungs. Sooner or later, we will be marrying our daughters, and everyone knows us in the community, what will they say, they couldn’t manage to keep their mother in their house. “It is unacceptable,” said the daughter while other were shaking their heads in agreement.

Being a Pakistani-American has also taught us a lot about respect. Most Americans collectively believe that everyone should respect their elders, regardless of their relation to you. While that is believed in Pakistan, we take it one step further. Often times, even after their children get married, the parents will continue to live with them. Pakistanis believe that our parents took care of us for a great deal of our life and soon after, it becomes our turn to care for them. That is how we show our respect and say thank you for their sacrifices. Nursing and retirement homes are uncommon for the Pakistani family. Since then, I have conducted a survey in Washington Tristate (Maryland, Virginia, Washington DC) by meeting more than 50 retirees who are originally from Pakistan or India, worked fulltime here in the US and are now living a retired life. Many Pakistani Americans arrived in the US at a young age (typically in their early 20s), with the majority of the large waves of migration during the second half of the 20th century reaching retirement age from the 1980s onward. This retirement process is happening within the context of an overall aging population and has the potential to increase the health care and social protection needs of people aged over 65 even further. While looking into statistics about Americans who are born and raised here, I found out that, according to the Federal Reserve, 40% of workers aged 55 to 64 have no retirement savings accounts at all. Of those who do have retirement accounts, the median balance is $100,000-not enough for most people to maintain their standard of living over decades of retirement. For people who are already retired, 20% of married retirees and half of single retirees rely on Social Security for the bulk of their income, according to the Social Security Administration. The average monthly income for a 62-year-old is $1,992 this year.

As the major wave of Pakistani immigrants who arrived in the U.S. hits their golden years, the whole nursing home concept is becoming more comfortable and affordable. Now we have many nursing homes across America, like “Home Away From Home: A Desi Senior Center in Queens, New York” which has majority Muslim and Pakistani population

For an average Pakistani American over the age of 65, understanding the life style of a “retired community” culture is a big impediment to get settled. “When I moved into a fairly standard old folks housing complex in Reston, Virginia, stocked with a fairly homogeneous population of middle-class white Americans, I didn’t like the food and, on top of everything, there was a lack of community, so I left,” said Muhammad Atif who retired from a government agency a few years ago. Even though they have spent 30-40 years of their life in America, but their sense of community, socialization and daily chit-chat is around their own people. They frequently travel back to Pakistan, they call their cousins and friends and they invite people in their homes for blessing. “I have told my son, my medicine, my food and my oxygen are talking to my own people, if I don’t have that I will die in days”, said Mrs. Tahir who has stopped working for Wal-Mart after a long struggle with acute arthritis which has now made it hard to move around. “I can’t just sit here alone all day, it’s time for me to go back,” she said furiously as she knew herself that all of her children are married and settle here in US and there is no place for her in Pakistan.

Mrs. Khan, Maa Ji and thousands of other elderly Pakistani American parents have similar stories. Their families think that sending their parents to a nursing facility will bring shame to the family. But they often forget that elderly parents with diseases like Alzheimer’s need around the clock medical care which will be best given in a nursing home. If you keep an Alzheimer’s patient in the house, it is actually neglecting their basic needs and that should be considered as a shame.

Independent Living Apartments, Adult homes, enriched housing, family-type homes, assisted living program (ALP), continuing care retirement communities and nursing home (also known as skilled nursing facility) are usual choices for retires in America.

As the major wave of Pakistani immigrants who arrived in the U.S. hits their golden years, the whole nursing home concept is becoming more comfortable and affordable. Now we have many nursing homes across America, like “Home Away From Home: A Desi Senior Center in Queens, New York” which has majority Muslim and Pakistani population. It might not be an easy transition for everyone, but experts point out that these are parents who’ve lived in the U.S. for decades and who raised kids with American values – meaning those kids have their own lives, and the grandkids stare at the iPad more than snuggling into grandma’s kameez. There are also many cases when the elders don’t really want to live with their kids, either. They have financial independence and don’t need to be turned into babysitters and cooks.

In conclusion, there is a need for more communication between all levels of governments (federal, state and local) regarding a growing population of immigrant retirees. According to many surveys, a retirees vote is based on very focused personal needs, therefore politicians should pay close attention of this growing immigrant retirees’ population. Each state, across America, should have a central committee who will be responsible to engage all stakeholders particularly for immigrant retirees and their children. There should be a broader discussion on major issues like retirement plans and adopting new life style. There is a need for new policies and procedures about living with family, retirement community or in a nursing homes to plan for the outcomes and to offer retirees a clearer and better-informed choice about living a happy and stress-free retired life.

The writer is a technology expert who is working with US government based in Washington DC