Daily Times

There are early signs that the establishment in Pakistan has decided to give a NRO to PML-N and Nawaz Sharif. It is also clear that neither Pakistani establishment is willing to publicly admit this reconciliation nor PML-N; it is being covered up through other face-saving means. There might be more twists and turns on the way as the process proceeds but it will head towards the reconciliation. It is great news for Pakistan and its people. Both the establishment and PML-N might have their own strengths and weaknesses; however, both need to learn to co-exist. PML-N cannot be wiped out of Pakistani politics and the establishment is here to stay as well permanently. The earlier, they learn to have better relations with each other, the better for the country as political instability has been one of major causes that has been holding back development.

If this spirit of reconciliation would have worked when PML-Q went to negotiate with Akbar Bugti in 2006, we might not have had the insurgency in Balochistan since then and so many precious lives would have been saved and so much pain avoided. Even now, both the representative and non-representative institutions in the country should seriously engage the disgruntled Balochis in negotiations for a political solution to the Balochistan insurgency. The same spirit of reconciliation and accommodation should be applied while dealing with concerns of other nationalities of smaller provinces, be they Pathans, Sindhis, Mohajirs or those belonging to the Southern Punjab.

I want to link this debate on reconciliation with a recent personal awakening and I want to do so because it has larger than the personal lessons to offer to readers; be they students, analysts, politicians, or non-representative institutions. I have done peace activism for some amount of time from 1998 onwards to promote peace between India and Pakistan. I also actively participated in anti-Iraq war peace demonstrations in London when I was there for some months for my studies. I have also done two courses on peace studies in early 1990s. Yet, a couple of days ago; I had a moment of personal awakening when I realized that perhaps I have failed myself to my peace activism past to some degree and it was a hard thing to come to realize.

The person might or might not have approached me to deal with my perceptions of persecution; there could be a whole lot of other reasons behind this attempt to contact. However, I could have used this opportunity (and also the following offer in 2011) to get my concerns addressed that I did not. It is wholly my fault

Since 2003-04, I have been facing a personal issue on and off. I have had a realization from 2007 onwards that a person (and we would not disclose the identity for privacy reasons) has been working against my and my family interests and is using institutions both in Pakistan and Britain to my detriment due to powerful connections that this person has. Before 2012, I did not constantly believe this perceived persecution and there were long periods of time when I did not. However, after 2012, I always believed in but did not think about it actively for long stretches of time. Whenever I felt harassed and stressed since 2004, I sent personal alerts to other people. It is my most natural reaction to any problem, I always let others know and do not deal with stress quietly. However, in a recent moment of personal awakening, I realized that in complaining to other people about my perceived persecution since 2004, I behaved like a whining child who goes “Miss…Miss, the child sitting next to me has done ‘xyz’ to me” rather than an adult who makes an effort to solve the problem comprehensively. I was being self-righteous. I did make efforts to reconcile with a national institution by approaching others from the very beginning but I should have taken even a more direct route to talk to this person from 2007 onwards when I started to believe him/her behind my troubles. One of the reasons for this lack of even a more direct contact has been that I myself did not believe it always before 2012. Unfortunately, problem solving is not taught as a skill in our educational institutions and curricula and it should be.

What I find particularly difficult to deal with is that someone from a national institution (the same national institution that I have perceived to be working against my interests due to the influence of this person) approached me (not in a very appropriate way) in the summer of 2011 and wanted to have further connection but I did not encourage it. Similarly, when in the fall of 2011 while facing more issues, I discussed it with an ex-employee of the same institution and this person (in a rather half-hearted manner) suggested that he could take me to meet someone in that institution and spontaneously I did not agree to it. I feel by losing those two precious opportunities, I to some extent failed myself to my past as a peace activist. Soon after, I contacted someone else who I thought could connect me with this national institution and also again asked (after sometime) this same ex-employee to connect me to someone but my offers on later occasions were not taken up. However, I should have availed both the opportunities of reconciliation when they were offered to me and talked things through. Peace activism does not mean only promoting peace between countries or to agitate, make the issue public, hold protests and send press releases. It also means taking initiatives to talk to the other side even when you feel being intentionally wronged or aggrieved; or at least accept their initiatives for further contact (for whatever purpose), even if they have been made in a half-hearted manner.

I am not at all implying that just because someone approached me from a national institution in the summer of 2011 necessarily validates my perceptions of persecution. The person might or might not have approached me to deal with my perceptions of persecution; there could be a whole lot of other reasons behind this attempt to contact.  However, I could have used this opportunity (and also the following offer in 2011) to get my concerns addressed that I did not. It is wholly my fault. I squandered the opportunities for reconciliation when they were presented to me in 2011, and instead kept on complaining through personal alerts whenever I faced difficult times. I might have caused inconvenience for others in this process and it is not a nice feeling to have, as I have just been able to see my own blind spot a few days back.

After this personal awakening, I requested someone close to me a few days back to email a paternal family member to arrange a meeting between this person who I perceive to the source of my problems and myself, and a positive response was sent back through email. I would have a face-to-face meeting with this person (as digital communication can sometimes further complicate matters) whenever he/she next visits Pakistan in the next some months or even next year. I owe a public apology to this person for not having contacted him/her directly in all these years and for casting aspersions on his/her reputation through personal alerts without having discussed it first with him/her in person. I did not contact this person earlier as I pre-judged this person to be extremely ill intentioned and full of malice and hatred towards me and my family who would not want any reconciliation. I still have a few personal alerts that I will delete when the issue has been fully solved, as I want to cautiously navigate this path towards reconciliation. I thought the only way forward to protect myself and my family is through personal alerts and by insulating my life. It was a wholly wrong approach. I should not have pre-judged this person and should have made even more efforts towards problem solving rather than complaining. I can always make more efforts now to contact this national institution as well (mentioned above). However, I feel it is a more direct approach to talk it out with the person who I perceive to be the cause of problems rather than the institution that is secondary. However, if I ever felt in the future that I need to contact the national institution, I will not hesitate at all. Whenever I meet this person in the next some months or even next year, I am never going to send out any more personal alerts after our meeting/s. I would be more than happy to offer another public apology to this person at the end of our meeting/s, if it helps to resolve the problem. However, I feel that by taking a substantial step towards reconciliation a few days back; I have already addressed the problem to a large extent.

The same lessons apply to the larger national level. The establishment and PTI on the one side and PML-N and other opposition on the other side need to see their blind spots while dealing with each other. The current Chief Justice of the Supreme Court made a good suggestion for dialogue between the elected and non-elected institutions when he took charge. Raza Rabbani of PPP has been making similar suggestions in the past. Everyone has to live here and everyone needs to learn to co-exist. It seems that stage is being set for reconciliation at the national level that is the most welcome news in offing. Hope it materializes sooner than later and contributes to the welfare of people.

The writer is based in Islamabad