Daily Times

Dear Mathira & Rose,

I am 30 years old. I’ve been seeing this guy for a year and am crazy about him as he’s great company, very loving and sweet. The thing is that he has a problem of critiquing and criticising a lot. If we’re having burgers in a restaurant and I take a bite and some sauce or mayonnaise spills onto my face, he would be all like, “Eat properly, don’t you know how to eat?” Or if we’re at a friend’s place and eating rice, if I start eating with my fingers, he’d say, “Why are you eating like an illiterate? Take a spoon please.” Sometimes, he’d say, “Weren’t you wearing the same dress the last time we were here too?” Or “Why do you laugh so loudly? Laugh in a civil way.” “You haven’t seen ‘Godfather’? What kind of a childhood have you had? “Why don’t you get a post-paid number? You’re a 30-year-old woman.” The list is endless. Look, I really want to make it work with him but hate it when he embarrasses me like that. What do I do?

Rose’s advice:

A year isn’t that long a time. You say, you’re crazy about him, but is he crazy about you too? I’m asking this because he criticises you a lot. He’s one of those guys who kill someone’s self confidence by constant critique. His behaviour is similar to that of a typical mother-in-law. I’m sorry to say but if in only a year’s time, he has started criticising you publicly and even has a problem with you keeping a prepaid number, then he’s not worth it. I don’t know what he thinks of himself. We all have flaws because we’re human after all. I think you should give him a taste of his own medicine. The next time he does something embarrassing, throw it on his face. Be all like, “Oh my God, why are you doing that?” or “Oh my God, what’s this?” Just see how he reacts and then ask him how it feels.

Mathira’s advice:

You need to pack his bags and throw him out of your life. I was married to someone like that. At first, we laugh it off but later we realise that men like him are insecure. Somehow, they feel you’re better than them so they degrade you to keep the upper hand. Do you get it? So, in simple words, he’s willing to break your confidence because he wants to be on top. I find it very stupid. If you kept living your life like that, you’ll face issues which would be out of your control. You wouldn’t like it and slowly, it’ll break your confidence. Please give him a shut-up call. If even after that, he doesn’t learn, then kick him out. He’s bad news and very rude. No girl should go through this. He should stop trying to act superior because in a relationship, both the partners are equal.