Daily Times

Dear Mathira & Rose,

I recently got married the second time around to a truly amazing man. He loves and cherishes me and has taken full responsibility for my children, a girl and a boy from the first marriage. He has a son from his previous marriage and really does not put any difference between his own son and my children. They go to the same school. The only issue is that he doesn’t want me to interact with my ex husband or ex in laws at all. This is very problematic because my ex husband has visiting rights and coordinates with me for pick and drop. The same with my ex in-laws. They want to be involved in the lives of my kids and I don’t think I should stop them. But my husband is enraged every time that happens. I’m thinking of asking my mother to be the principal point of contact between them and the kids but both my mom and my ex-in laws found that weird. What do I do?

Rose’s advice:

I’m really happy to know that your second husband is really nice and caring towards your kids. He considers your kids like his own but you need to make him understand that their father has every right to stay involved in their lives. Just tell him that the only reason you’re still interacting with your ex husband and your ex in-laws is because you have to and not because you want to. You need to talk to him about that. Maybe he feels a little insecure and obviously doesn’t want you talking to your ex. I don’t think it’s weird that you let your mom be the point of contact. It’s pretty much normal. However, if she bails out and if your kids are a little older, you can also tell them to directly stay in touch with their dad. But I understand that at some point, you need to step in because kids can’t take care of situations like these. If your husband’s really insecure like you’re saying then instead of being in touch with him, it’s best somebody else from his family becomes the point of contact on his behalf. But first, you need to make him understand that you’ve nothing to do with your ex and his family. It’s not like you’ll fall in love with him again or whatever.

Mathira’s advice:

First of all you have to realise that if your ex husband is great with your kids and spends time with them, then you need to value that. Your husband needs to understand this. Why don’t you put him in the loop with all the involvement you have with your ex husband? Let him be the decision maker. You can’t pull your kids away from their father as that’d be really bad. What would make more sense is that you give your husband’s number to your ex and tell him to contact him if he needs to see his children or pick and drop them. I think he’s just being a little possessive and insecure because you have a past with that man and have two beautiful kids with him. Any guy would be insecure. Apart from that, I think he wants to create space between your kids and their father as he feels threatened whenever their real father comes and visits. It’s pretty normal and just sit and talk it out. Give him control and ask him to take care of this problem himself. Your ex in-laws also need to understand that the kids need to see their father only and they shouldn’t barge in like that. You do want to save this marriage right? Your priority should be your current husband.