Daily Times

Dear Mathira & Rose,

I am 28 years old. I got married five years back to a doctor. His entire family was very well educated but turned out to be really cruel and cunning people. My marriage hardly lasted for a year even though I got pregnant early and tried my best to resolve issues with my husband. My in-laws used to lock me up in a room and not give me food for two days and so forth. Eventually, my parents took me and my daughter home. Now, my daughter is four years old and has started asking questions related to who her father is, etc. Give me suggestions on how to cope with this situation. Should I go for second marriage? Or should I stay single? I would like to add that I’m working too.

Rose’s advice:

I don’t think there’s any harm in staying single or getting married. It’s entirely up to you and it’s your decision. I’m sorry you had to face such cruel people. I don’t understand how someone can do this to a person. They can’t imagine such a thing happening to their own daughters, then how can they do this to somebody else’s daughter. Just let karma take its course. I don’t think there’s any harm in telling your daughter that her father is very much alive but you don’t live with him because of some personal problems. Obviously don’t get into the nitty gritty details as she’s a child. Although, do ensure that the custody of your daughter doesn’t go to your ex husband’s family as they sound like very cruel people. Just continue with your job. If you happen to meet “the one” and you feel like the person’s right for you, then I don’t see any harm in getting married. First do see that the person is safe for your daughter. Because you see, if God forbid, you go through another trauma, your daughter will go through it as well. So you need to be very careful about who you pick. Although the past is the past, but I understand you’re living with some bad memories. Try to forget and just concentrate on raising your daughter correctly. Work hard but do remember that there’s no point in going out and looking for love as it comes to you when the time’s right.

Mathira’s advice:

I’m so sorry to hear that you had to go through all of this but you got a beautiful daughter out of it. Even bad marriages shouldn’t be regretted over as long as one has children out of them. The fact that your parents took you home was a very nice and a smart decision. If your daughter’s asking you questions about her father, please know that right now she’s very young to know the real story. Why don’t you tell her that her dad is working abroad? A kid’s mind has a lot of questions and to answer them in an uncomplicated manner is very important. That’s all you can tell her for now. However, when she reaches the age of nine, you can surely open up to her slowly. This would be better for you as well. As she grows up, she’ll have a better understanding of what happened between her parents. Right now, don’t say anything negative about her father as that’ll only mess up her mind. A kid’s mind is very sensitive and will develop more questions on hearing negative things about her dad. Don’t get annoyed at her questions and answer them with a smile. I don’t think you should go for second marriage just as yet as one doesn’t know if the man would love your kid as much as you do. It’s a risk. If you do want to go for a second marriage, then I think you should let your mother raise your daughter. Girls are very sensitive and having a step dad can be difficult for a child.