Daily Times

After two episodes of moving troops around and tense reunions, it was time for this show to do what it does best: kill a bunch of beloved characters.

Let’s go through everyone who died in Game of Thrones season 8 episode 3, and pour one out for the fallen.

“Dolorous” Edd

This guy! Eddison?

He’s from the Nights Watch! He vaguely looks like a lot of other men on this show! He is friends with Sam! I frequently forget what the hell he is about, and how he knows anybody.

But anyway, it’s sad that he dies. His is probably the most underwhelming death, as it’s the classic “saves friend, then looks real shocked as he’s stabbed from behind”.

I guess the lesson is: never help anyone.

Ser Beric Dondarrion

Mr Flame Sword has finally been extinguished. Sad.

Beric has already died like eight times before, so at least he’s had practice! I’ve enjoyed Beric, because his flaming sword is both cool and a gay icon (don’t question this!), and also because he’s always weirdly chipper, in a show full of melancholy sooks.

Clegane: Bloody hell, I’m angry about fire!

Jon Snow: Sad, I’m very sad about… my aunty, etc.

Beric: *whistling* every day is a gift!

Anyway, he died after being stabbed up a goddamn treat, after throwing his flaming sword to save Arya. It was cool!

Ser Jorah Mormont

Jorah also died saving someone!

Bit of a goddamn theme here — I’m learning that if you want to survive, you just don’t care about anyone else?

Anyway, Dany managed to get knocked off her dragon, and Jorah scooted in absolutely frothing to do some saving! Honestly, I reckon Jorah has spent a lot of time thinking about how cool it would be if he died heroically saving Daenerys, and how she would probably be like “Oh my god, this is so sad, I should have realised he is the right man for me!”

Really happy for him, tbh.

I will say this — dying REALLY aged him, he looked haggard.

Melisandre

Oh my god, Melisandre is such a dramatic bitch! Great sense of theatrics.

She’s also the most consistently wrong person in this show — takes a lot of confidence to burn a child and then be like “whoops, my bad”. She’s basically the queen of wrong.

So, Melisandre loves to talk about her death — “I will die in this strange land” she tells us, over and over again. Then, when she swans in to Winterfell, Ser Davos huffs his way down the stairs, because he still holds a grudge about the child she sacrificed for literally no reason! Oh my god, that was so two seasons ago.

Anyway she’s like “I’ll be dead by dawn! Chill!”

She helped out a bit. First she enflamed the Dothraki’s swords, which was great because it helped us all see the horrific things around us. Then she set the moat on fire. She’s always loved fire, you can count on that!

So, in the least violent death of the entire show, as dawn rises over the field of corpses, she walks out of Winterfell, takes off her spangly necklace, turns into a naked old lady and falls sideways into the snow. What an exit!

Lyanna Mormont

Shut the fuck up!

I can’t actually bear to think about how awesome this was, and also how sad. But, I also knew it would happen. Everyone liked Lyanna too much — we were all too keen on the badass teen. So naturally, that meant it would be fun to kill her.

So, Lyanna decides that she won’t go to the “safe crypts” (lol), and stays out in the courtyard doing a lot of yelling and being a badass.

Then a GODDAMN undead giant comes in and totally swats her. I thought that might have been the end of her in itself — but no, she gets up and totally attacks it. The giant picks her up, squishes her audibly, but then, twist, she plunges a dragonglass dagger into its eye, killing it instantly.

Unfortunately she is still irrevocably squished.

The Night King

More like the GOOD NIGHT, King. Because he’s dead? He’s going to bed… forever.

Anyway, this evil-flavoured iceblock has been a dang thorn in our sides for ages, and it’s very exciting to watch him get stabbed until he asplodes.

But he didn’t go easily — our valiant defenders really tried their best, but it’s really hard to fight when all your friends die and then get resurrected.

The Night King spent a bunch of time flying around, and then falling off his dragon like it ain’t no thing. Then he slowly strutted into the nice garden where they keep Bran, flanked by his best cold bitches. He kills Theon, and then after playing the staring game with Bran for ages, gets absolutely stabbed by a flying Arya!

What do we say to the god of death? We say “eat knife, frost-face!”

Turns out he was particularly vulnerable to being stabbed.

Theon Greyjoy

Gosh, Theon has had a long and sad story!

If Melisandre is the queen, then he is the king of wrong choices.

Frankly, getting impaled by the Night King is a bit of a relief, glad I don’t have to think about him anymore.

But also: sad.

Viserion The Dead Dragon

He died when the Night King died. BYE, BITCH!

The Dothraki

I don’t want to be a back-seat military strategist, but I think it was weird to just charge the entire Dothraki nation into the horde of the dead.

I would say maybe a hot five dudes managed to survive, and maybe a horse?

Wow, seems a bit of a waste for them to sail all the way over here just to be eaten.

What would I have done? I’d have done a Helm’s Deep, and waited until the horde was engaged, and then charged in from the side, preferably down a slope, preferably with my very own Gandalf.

But, I guess I’m not a hardened military campaigner, I’m just a fancy, sexually ambiguous blogger, who is waiting to feel lit inside, so what the hell would I know?

Missing

Ghost

We saw the direwolf charging in with the Dothraki, and that didn’t end well. Plus… he’s a wolf. Sure, he has teeth, but that’s not super impressive against corpses.

I KNOW that we don’t see a lot of him because he’s an animal, and also ridiculously expensive to have on set, but I HATE the idea of him being sad because Jon is all obsessed with his new dragon. If Ghost was my direwolf, I would not put him out on the battlefield with no supervision. I would care for him.

One Of The Dragons

Both of the alive dragons got really fucked up in this battle, and at the end of it, we see ONE of them curl around Dany. But which one? Is the other one alright? We just don’t know.

I guess we will find out next week!