Daily Times

Are there any early signs that can predict if someone is going through postpartum depression? When did you find it out and what were the major red alerts that lead you to the diagnosis?

There are many ways how we can spot symptoms of postpartum depression in mothers and the first one is their lack of self-love, where they do not care to dress up. They lose interest in things they previously loved and their self-esteem touches the ground. You’ll also notice new fears developing, like the fear of losing a loved one or a job. Mothers that develop postpartum depression may also feel unattractive. They may sleep a little too much or struggle to sleep through the night. When an extremely extrovert, lively person goes into a shell, keeps on saying ‘yes’ to a plan but never shows up constantly. These are all various signs to spot depression in a friend, family or spouse. It’s important to follow up, meet them and ask why they have been in a hide-out. Any negative change in behavior should definitely be a red flag for the people around her. It is a sad dilemma how we rush people to a doctor when there is a slight fever, cough or flu, but we ignore the mental condition of our loved ones. Just like our bodily pain requires a doctor- we need mental experts for when we suffer mental issues. A mental expert is as important as any other physical doctors because mental fitness is as important as physical fitness. People don’t realise how our neurology is attached to our physical health. We develop a lot of serious diseases and sickness through negative emotions like anger, fear, guilt, bitterness and betrayal. Diseases like diabetes, blood pressure develop through our negative emotions. A recent research tells us that even diseases like cancer develop through our negative mental emotions. Why don’t we encounter our negative emotions and mental health before they become a deadly disease in our system? Our people need to be educated about the difference between a psychiatrist, psychologist and a life coach. A psychiatrist will cure you through medicines but a psychologist will heal you through suggestions. As for a Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP) life coach; he treats you through a pattern of questions, language, tools and techniques which then let you discover. The six sessions with an NLP bring dramatic and permanent healing in a person. It’s like a new birth where you find your higher purpose in life and follow it. Most people are unaware of their own higher purpose that’s why it’s so easy to drown into negative emotions. Such people never really achieve anything in life. These untreated mental issues later become horrific stories of divorce- even things like rage, theft, murder come from an untreated mind.

When did you learn about your own postpartum depression?

I had a heightened sense of fear for losing a loved one and being unattractive to my spouse. I felt like he wasn’t inclined towards me and I would get panic attacks for two long years. I had no understanding on the matter that is why there was delay in seeking help. Maybe, I’m claustrophobic, I thought. My stomach would churn and my heart would race and I would be so breathless. A lot of people identified the problem as some sort of witchcraft. This is another mindset that we need to mend. Any person going through mental illness is considered to be under the influence of witchcraft, which is not the case. Our people are also in the habit of blaming things on nazar. I looked up for every possible remedy. I started mediation, I became a certified Reiki healer, I tried art therapy and what not but NLP is what changed my life. It’s the most advance psychotherapy which brings instant and permanent change in a person.

What lead you to take up the hypnosis training yourself?

I don’t wish to let others suffer the same. To be in a place where you are not even able to explain the pain you’re going through is a miserable place to be. People would say, ‘you have become so negative’ not understanding the reason behind it. The truth of the matter is that only you can explore and discover yourself, no one else can do it for you. I can only give you what I already have. I can only give you love and positivity if I’ve that in me. So in order to be a life coach for other people, I had to be treated first. We always hear things like ‘my friend isn’t feeling well’ or maybe ‘my friend had an accident, so I have to go see them’. Have you ever visited a friend who is going through mental health issues or depression to check up on them? I really want to ask everyone, when was the last time you when to meet a friend who was going through a mental condition or a trauma or depression?’ We label people as boring and stop interacting with them because they aren’t fun anymore, without realising that you are abandoning someone with mental condition for something they have no control over. Our men should realise that the home system runs on the shoulders of their wife, she is the person that will lead your generations to come. A woman can only give you what she has- unless she is not happy, she may not be able to add joy to the family system. The child development depends on the mothers. The child can catch signals of depression, sadness or even joy in their mother even as a fetus. The ‘imprint age’ which is between one to four years is the most vital age for a child to absorb things from his surroundings. An unhappy mother can unknowingly damage the sub-conscious mind of the child due to her own mental trial. The imprint age for a child is the same time a mother is facing high pressure mentally from delivering the child with tears and pain, the mental condition follows. After 40 days of rest, the mother is expected to get back to work. One out of eight people are depressed; this was a research from five years ago. Imagine how different the ratio would be today.

How can we educate people on the matter and how to go about it once people see sure signs of depression in a friend or a loved one?

In European countries, both the father and the mother are educated about the baby and the kind of physical, mental and emotional changes the mom is going through. They make the fathers understand how they need to care for the wife during and after she has delivered the baby. In Pakistan, we keep the father aloof. The man remains insensitive throughout pregnancy and after because he doesn’t understand the rollercoaster of emotional and mental changes the wife is going through. There is no knowledge on the matter given. They even keep husbands out of the delivery room so they don’t even have a clue of the turmoil a wife faces alone. Our hospitals should make it a compulsory procedure to educate the couple and especially the husband or guardians on the biological changes a woman goes through during the whole pregnancy and after she has delivered the baby. The family and spouse should be handed a management plan too. Our universities should have mental experts on the panel. There should also be seminars and sessions every three months to check up and educate the students on the importance of a healthy mind. The awareness of mental health should be a must in school, colleges and hospitals.

Do you see acceptance over the matter in the country or even the media industry?

I got an overwhelming response from the media industry. People called in to compliment my courage telling me how mental health awareness is a need in our society and culture. I was only able to share my story once I was completely healed of postpartum depression and that became such an inspiration for people. If I can fight this depressive demon, so can you!

The writer can be reached at zarimua@gmail.com