Daily Times

Man: broad, strong, brave. He is the breadwinner who faces the world to bring money home. Man doesn’t cry and he doesn’t feel pain. Women are the weaker sex- the opposite of men. When such stringent beliefs define the identity of the male race, it becomes difficult to imagine men as people capable of being bullied by women.

In mainstream media narratives today, men are continuously stereotyped as brute villains oppressing women, while women are always cast as the helpless victims to be sympathised with. There is no doubt women have suffered at the hands of men from the beginning of time and still do so. But men are equally capable of being abused by women. And this is something we must also acknowledge and address as a society.

On 20th February 2019, twenty-two-year-old Jordon Worth became the first woman in the UK to be jailed for coercive and controlling behaviour when her partner Alex Skeel finally opened up about the domestic abuse he had been suffering. Speaking to BBC he said ‘what had started with small things – her telling me not to wear the colour grey or that she didn’t like my hairstyle – had turned into a nine-month campaign of physical abuse. I was very scared of her.’

Jordon Worth, despite being a slim and sweet looking girl incapable of causing harm, used to pour boiling water over her boyfriend as punishment. She denied him food, kept him isolated from his friends and even went on to stab him. Skeel was too afraid to leave her. His torture only came to an end when he was rescued by the police.

While the notion of a man being abused at the hands of a woman may seem illogical, it is the reality for many men. During 2017,police in England and Wales recorded almost 150,000 incidents of domestic abuse against men. According to the Crime Survey of England and Wales 2018, one third of the two million adults who reported domestic abuse were men. However, this occurrence is not limited to the UK alone.

Despite being a patriarchal society, men in Pakistan have been victims of crimes committed by women

Despite being a patriarchal society, men in Pakistan have been victims of crimes committed by women. In 2009, three women abducted a waiter in Karachi and raped him over four consecutive days. Yes, men too can be raped and beaten- be it by another man or by a woman. As per records held by the HRCP, 212 men were gang raped, 15 were harassed and 546 were raped/sodomised between 2013 and 2018 in Pakistan.

Since there is so much pressure on men in Pakistan to be macho (or else be mocked), domestic or sexual violence suffered by men is not considered an issue which requires discussion. Consequently, most cases concerning male victims tend to go unreported if the man has been abused by a woman. In Pakistan, there is too much shame attached to being harmed by a woman. Since in our society women are considered weak, by default men become recognised as the stronger sex. As a result, the idea of a (weak) woman beating a (strong) man is considered laughable, leaving men to continue suffering silently.

Now even if a woman does not possess the physical strength of a man, she is equally capable of abusing him, as abuse does not always have to be physical. Psychological abuse can be just as traumatising as physical abuse. A woman constantly taunting, yelling, name calling, threatening or blaming her husband can gravely harm the emotional wellbeing of a man, as men too have feelings.

There is no doubt women in Pakistan are subjected to violence by menand struggle to live without being afraid. Eight years have passed and Mukhtaran Mai still awaits justice, despite becoming an internationally recognised figure who suffered unimaginable cruelty at the hands of male Jirga heads. She continues to fight the accused in court till this day; they raped her, but they could not break her. Nonetheless, there are also men in Pakistan who have shared Mukhtaran Mai’s fate, but are unable to stand up for themselves because the shame attached to such abuse is far too great.

Events like Aurat March have raised immense awareness about women’s rights while encouraging them to stand tall and fight against male oppression. Social media has especially played a vital role in providing women a platform to share their experiences and become stronger together. Today women are whipping out their mobile phones and recording men who harass them. They are sharing inappropriate messages sent to them by unknown men on groups. Women have garnered the courage to name and shame the men instead of being ashamed. The same now needs to be done by men in Pakistan. Anyone who suffers from sexual or domestic abuse is a victim irrespective of their gender and should be supported irrespective of their gender. Men too should be able to say #MeToo without being afraid of what society will say.

The writer has a Masters in media with a distinction from the London School of Economics

Published in Daily Times, March 10^th 2019.