Daily Times

Wedlock and divorce have never been issues that pertain only to an individual and his or her nuclear family. In fact, these matters seldom cease to interest people that we collectively call our society. Because the situation of others always manages to interest aunties — mostly — and uncles — occasionally, — these figures contribute either as a significant factor themselves or identify the other reasons behind late marriages and early divorces. The latter issue is of paramount importance in our society nowadays since an alarming increase has been observed in separation and divorce cases. An apparently obvious reason is the drastic and dramatic increase in our population that has consequently made available more marriageable individuals and, hence, proportionately increased the numbers of marriages and divorces, which our society is working hard to enumerate.

Education has always been the sole culprit in the eyes of our elders. According to them, the freedom and liberty rendered in the name of schooling tend to corrupt the minds of young ladies who are believed to have an innate instinct of submissiveness and subduedness towards their godly husbands. They perceive female literacy as a kindling factor that drives women somewhat insane; making them confident, intolerant, arrogant, and self-sufficient. They blame books for bringing wisdom to the otherwise dim-witted and empty-headed creatures of God through which they become capable enough to differentiate between right and wrong. Up till now only one thing has made its point; the wisdom being imparted to women — let it be through education or any other medium for that matter — is helping these miserable beings discern a difference between what their husbands can do to them and what should actually be done; how hard their husbands can beat and lash them but should not; how necessary it is to keep husbands physically and emotionally satisfied but not at all is it as vital as it is considered to prevent the strong bond of marriage from breaking.

Both the genders by and large involved in wedlock belong to the same species; have the same instinct characteristic to homo sapiens; have a more or less similar composition of flesh and bone; and possess feelings that include love and hatred, happiness and anger, and clemency and revenge. The traits of sensitivity and acuity form the basis of the willingness of any human to bond in relationships. One such relationship, which is in fact, the closest of all, comes into being when two people vow to take each other in health and sickness, “till death parts them”. The phrase comprising the last four words of the preceding sentence is what has been turning the lives of innumerable people into an eternal inferno since forever. This deed of matrimony is not only signed by two people but also stamped and sealed by our society; compelling the signatories to abide by the prescribed instructions. No matter how bad the decision turns out to be, how miserable the lives of people involved become, how pitiable the condition of children born as a result of the wedlock becomes, and how wretched and deplorable the final consequences might be, the signers are not allowed to withdraw from our society; they must keep losing in order to keep the opining mouths shut and keep unrelated people from labelling and stigmatising them and their children for their entire lives. Let us mull over the salient features of an ideal marriage; the ones that make a marriage ideal. Attraction, affection, considerateness, heedfulness, communication, friendship, and compatibility are some of the prominent attributes common in prosperous marriages. While the first five indicators also exist in ‘successful’ marriages, success is not always synonymous with happiness. Contentment can only be achieved if the last two hallmarks subsist. Unfortunately, these two are the most neglected aspects when it comes to addressing marital complications.

From the start till the end, the mental alignment between a husband and his wife is presumed to be present regardless of how ‘arranged’ their marriage actually was. Families meet where parents observe potential candidates; elders assess each other’s financial status, and then they decide on the behalf of their children. The fact that if their children have reached a marriageable age then they must have definitely gained enough conscience and wisdom to at least have earned some say in their marriage remains unacknowledged. When girls can be presented in front of rishta aunties to get every curve and angle of theirs scanned and when boys can be asked to become men all of a sudden, why can they not have a fundamental right of saying ‘no’ not only on the base of class difference and looks but also compatibility? Nonetheless, some pairs courageously fight the norms, challenge the arranged-marriage mechanism, and succeed in giving their adoration a legal status.

Despite all the aforementioned glitches and faults in the prevalent system, every couple is blessed with prayers and best of wishes. The question remains why these blessings are unable to control the divorce rate in recent times. The majority says that stepping down from educating our women is the only solution to save marriages because literacy has not imparted them anything but overbearing pride and solipsism. I believe that either we should not educate your girls and let them be beaten by their ‘better-halves’ as animals, or bear with the fact that with education comes the recognition of self after which no human can be allowed to lash another human. As a matter of fact, even animals tolerate repeated beating up to a limit after which they either retaliate by counterattacking or simply run away; therefore the stance adopted by the majority does not stand. There is no other possible solution.

Unfaithfulness and other vested interests have always been the causative agents in parallel. However, the sole major reason behind the problem at hand is the rejection of misogynistic norms. And the sole solution is to accept the fact that every person is accompanied by his or her share of self-respect which must be dealt with wholehearted and unconditional dignity.

The writer is a student of Biotechnology