Daily Times

There is always a woman behind every successful man. You, like me, I am sure, have heard this dictum on numerous occasions. I am also sure you have never questioned its validity. The statement sounds-as simple and concise as it is — both believable and legitimate, consistent with what we see around us in the society.

But, have you ever asked yourself why does she always stay behind, hovering in the dark avoiding the spotlight, serving but not being served, helping but not being helped? What are the forces that do not allow her to come forward, to attract the spotlight? Of course, some exceptions to this rule do exist and if asked you may find examples in politics and history where certain women seized the role of the leader. Yet, those are exceptions, way far and few between. And even when those exceptions occur, they come with a twist, which we will discuss in a minute.

For now, let’s focus if the idea that it was not the man who deserved to be successful ever dawned upon you. That it was her destiny which was stolen from her and was presented to her male relative. That she was the brightest and the most courageous, the one who carried the original vision. That she had to hide behind a male body, be it her brother, her husband, son or her father to satisfy the society, to avoid controversy. That she knew she would be forgotten in history even after changing the world while someone incompetent would claim the credit. That she would die as Mehrun Nisa only, the wife of Mughal King Jahangir, not as the ruler herself.

Maryam Nawaz Sharif will carry the mission of her father, the former Prime Minister of Pakistan Mian Nawaz Sharif (MNS), only after her father has retired. As long as the father is active she will continue to ‘provide him strength’ as his ‘assistant’ at best. India too suffers from the same ailment. Indra Gandhi, the daughter of Jawahar Lal Nehru, could lead because of the position that her father held

If this thought of a competent female aiding an imbecile male while diverting the attention from herself did not cross your mind, then the problem sits way deeper in our national psyche than what we can observation from a superficial analysis. For me, it begins with the society teaching us to consider women as a submissive entity whose real job and success lies in obeying her male relatives, providing them food, clothing, and bodily comfort.

True, sometimes that role spills over to help them in business and political endeavours, but even in that position, we are informed she is acting as a medium to deliver the vision of her male relative. For instance, Benazir Bhutto took over the mission of her father, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto (ZAB), and could only lead the party once ZAB had passed away. Fatima Jinnah too helped her brother for a longtime. When she threw herself in active politics, Muhammad Ali Jinnah was no more. Even nowadays Maryam Nawaz Sharif will carry the mission of her father, the former Prime Minister of Pakistan Mian Nawaz Sharif (MNS), only after her father has retired. As long as the father is active she will continue to ‘provide him strength’ as his ‘assistant’ at best. India too suffers from the same ailment. Indra Gandhi, the daughter of Jawahar Lal Nehru, could lead because of the position that her father held. And Sonia Gandhi, became the leader of Congress Party after the accidental death of her husband, Rajeev Gandhi. Then his kids were too young to preside the party.

Our attitude stays the same in religion as well, surprise! We are taught there has never been a woman prophet in history. Reason? God did not trust the wisdom of female gender or ‘He’ finds them too emotional or erratic in their behaviour, thus unreliable to be offered a demanding job that requires steadfastness, perseverance and patience. To offer them some credit though, we are informed about some eminent females who ‘stood by’ their male relatives. Yet we stay intellectually dishonest when we altogether omit the existence of many prominent females from the history.

So far, we try to justify their role on moral grounds as of an assistant or a subordinate, a thought process that has become an Achilles heel for the nation to progress, the dream where both the genders enjoy equal rights, where she speaks out without being hushed up. The good news is that now she is speaking out throughout the world particularly in the United States. Sooner or later, this wave will hit our shores too, their prayers will finally be heard

To give you an example: we are taught the life history of Prophet Moses over and over again, his achievements emphasized, his teachings reiterated, his transgressions pointed out. His brother Aaron is mentioned every now and then too. Aaron’s stories do not come up as often, of course, but his sister, Miriam who herself was a prophet, according the Old Testament, is excluded entirely. We are never informed of her existence, what to talk about her role after the exodus. Even worse, she is not the only prophet in Bible, there are six more. Out of them, prophetesses Huldah and Deborah were well-known in their community for their wisdom and foresightedness. People used to go to them for guidance and advice. How many times were their stories narrated to you?

No, I don’t blame religion or clerics for this injustice. The causes of such social asymmetry could be political, religious, economic, geographical and/or cultural. All of them could contribute somewhat in aggravating and tilting the balance in favour of males. However, we can only explore these causes and their respective contribution if we identify the subjugation of women as a problem-which we do not. So far, we try to justify their role on moral grounds as of an assistant or a subordinate, a thought process that has become an Achilles heel for the nation to progress, the dream where both the genders enjoy equal rights, where she speaks out without being hushed up. The good news is that now she is speaking out throughout the world particularly in the United States. Sooner or later, this wave will hit our shores too, their prayers will finally be heard.

The writer is a US-based freelance columnist. He tweets at @KaamranHashmi and can be reached at skamranhashmi@gmail.com

Published in Daily Times, October 31^st 2018.