Daily Times

I don’t know about you, but I confess that I had posters of ABBA and Smita Patil in my bedroom as a kid and both got a goodnight kiss. I was also obsessed with Patras Bokhari and Ahmed Faraz; and used their words to get me through my conventional and not so conventional juvenile angst. Their creations were my almanac, which I used to validate my responses to the world.

Forming an emotional bond with an actor or singer is a harmless “parasocial reaction” which gives pleasure without reciprocation from the object of our affections. This fascination with notoriety goes back to the worship of gods in Athens, where the term “celebrity” was coined. During the Renaissance, great artists and minds became widely known as printing presses were developed. This bolstered their already elevated status. By the turn of the century, with the advent of radio and motion pictures, celebrities took on the flavour we know as the allure and attraction of Hollywood.

Bokhari and Patil are like the sun which has set in, and no candles can replace them. While ABBA remain the anchor of my sentiments, I did meet Faraz in his heyday. When I expressed a desire to attend a late-night Mushaira at the tender age of 13, my parents were more than concerned. However, I was allowed because I had learned Faraz by heart and a good friend, Khurram Altaf, was going with me. We sat, waiting for this icon to recite his verses in that freezing, dark and desolate night at the Lyallpur District Council Hall. When his turn came, he was tired and sloshed, and forgot his own verses. I still put my baby-ego aside for an autograph and to meet my literary idol. He wrote ‘Us ki ankhoon ko... .’ but could not finish it off. I remember walking away like a beaten soul.

Mine is not a unique experience; others have had worse. We are usually in control of these forged one-sided relationships with celebrities as we can terminate them anytime without any consequences. We are, therefore, free to operate within these relationships without really taking the other party into consideration because they have never acknowledged us. With the advent of technology, however, we are interacting with these celebrities more often to express our gratitude and admiration but also suffer more setbacks. The latter are not only disappointing, but can also make us ruminate that no one is who they really seem. Why is it that the people we love the most end up hurting us the most?

There can be several reasons why our interaction with a celebrity goes wrong. For example, they might be more interested at that time in something completely different. When I met a party leader for the first time, he was having peanuts with a drink. We got deeply engrossed in discussing logistics for a famous demonstration while the TV played on mute. He suddenly asked me to stop, and unmuted the TV when a diminutive Pakistani actress walked into a show. I tried to interrupt him after a while but he raised the volume instead. I must have been on my blackberry for what seemed like an eternity before I heard, “What do you think we could do to revive the Pakistan Film industry?” What could he possibly see in that actress that he didn’t see in me? Well, he’s only human, after all.

This is the same disappointment that strikes people when they get married or have babies. After these big life events, we are still the same people, but may just have a different outlook on life

This might be a critical moment for you, but for her, this is just another slot in her diary. The contrast between your enthusiasm and her perceived indifference could make her come across as mean. After ten minutes past my appointment, I had informed this politician’s PA of my departure and walked out of the waiting room.

My driver was pulling out of the porch when she ran across the driveway barefoot. She apologised that some party activists had overstayed their welcome and she was not told about my arrival. I also regretted that I had to rush to another meeting. She has since been incarcerated. I was advised by the “Department of Agriculture” not to see her during my recent visit despite having an appointment. She sent a message later on, “Are we even now?”.

Unless you pictured your hero as a short, aging guy with sunken eyes, you could be disappointed by how simply human he is. A legendry cricketer I eventually met after years of fascination did not exude any aura of greatness. He seemed less familiar with his own achievements than I was. He was stuck somewhere in the past, and completely unacquainted with sports psychology and the modern coaching trends. In fact, he seemed like an average guy who watches a lot of sports on TV, complains about his ex-team mates, and is desperate for a lucrative employment. It left me to wonder: is this the pinnacle of mankind I always thought about? Is this what my generation and I aspired to be?

Looking back on our experiences, we might surmise that we should never attempt to meet any person we highly admire. Knowing too much makes us realise that they are also imperfect, or shall we say, human. It is also impossible for people to be “on” all the time, and if you catch your idol on an off day, you risk major disappointment. Our lives are really not much different after meeting them than they were the previous day. This is the same disappointment that strikes people when they get married or have babies. After these big life events, we are still the same people, but may just have a different outlook on life.

The writer is Consultant Psychiatrist and Visiting Professor. He tweets @AamerSarfarz

Published in Daily Times, September 6^th 2018.