Daily Times

When you lose someone you love, your world changes and the grief can be intense and challenging. It is NEVER easy. No matter how many times you tell yourself that your beloved is in a better place, it is still incredibly hard. You feel traumatized, numb and fearful. You may even feel guilty for being the one who is still alive. At some point, you may even feel angry at your deceased loved one for leaving you alone. All of this is normal.

Everyone deals with loss differently. Some people turn into weeping messes, incapable of leaving the house without crying at every memory. Then there are those who hold it in; acting aloof and keeping themselves busy. Some choose the path of self destruction to lessen the pain such as doing drugs. And some handle the pain by connecting themselves to something spiritual.

While there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are some healthy ways to cope with the grief and loss that, in time, can ease your pain and help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning, and move on with your life.

Take your time

If you think that ignoring your pain will make it go away faster, you’re wrong. Running away from your emotions will only make it worse. To heal, it is important to confront your loss and actively deal with it. You can rise above your suffering only by first acknowledging it. Feeling sad, terrified, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss of your loved one. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak.

You will not “get over” the loss of your loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss that you have suffered. Recovering takes time, and everyone heals at his/her own pace.

Allow your friends and family to be there for you

It’s okay to isolate yourself for some time. Stay at home by yourself, cry, think about them, look through old photos and think about the happy times you have spent together. However, don’t cut off yourself from the world for too long, you should try to spend time with others who knew them and loved them too. I know it doesn’t seem this way but they get what you’re going through. You don’t need to “guard” your family by pretending to be brave. Expressing how you really feel can help you and your family.

Do what you love

Losing a loved one is a painful reminder that life is short and your loved one would want nothing more than for you to be truly happy.

Keep yourself busy doing something that makes you happy. Distract yourself by taking the time to discover what it is that you love. Focus your energy in doing something you love and immerse yourself in something such as gardening, painting, learning a new language or how to bake.

Draw comfort from your faith

Embrace the religion you believe in to find comfort. Perform spiritual activities that offer solace and are meaningful to you like praying or meditating. You may find yourself questioning your faith after your loss so you should talk to religious figures to find out answers to your questions.

Cherish the memories of your loved one

Your deceased loved one is not gone, they live INSIDE you. Cherish the memories, continue their legacies. Think about what was on their bucket list that you can focus on now? Visiting a specific country? May be you can finally take a trip you two had always talked about.

Be grateful for the opportunity to learn from them and experience life with them.

Published in Daily Times, July 23^rd 2018.