Daily Times

You just found out that your partner has been cheating on you. Your ‘once a happy’ relationship is now hanging by a thread, and you think you can never recover from it. Alternatively, you and your partner might be able to work things out and pass the rough patch, being better than ever. Even if you make an effort to survive the unfaithful relationship, you cannot stop thinking about your beloved cheating on you with another person, it makes your blood boil and feel sick.

The first question you want to ask your dishonest partner is: WHY did they feel the need to cheat on you? Unfortunately, there is no correct answer to why a person becomes unfaithful. It can be anything; it could be a result of difficulties in your relationship, it could be something from their past, or they just could not control themselves from being attracted to other people. You should make peace with the fact that you might never find out the reason for disloyalty and infidelity.

This agonising betrayal of trust is, mostly, too much to get over. However, if the cheating partner regrets what they have done, and if they are even more miserable than you are, then you must be prepared and motivated to survive the shock together and save your relationship. This depends on how dedicated the couple is about saving the relationship and how much of a history they have.

We bring you considerate advice about how to forgive your cheating partner, while keeping your self-esteem unharmed of course.

1. Don’t abandon your emotions
   
   It is only human to feel distressed, angry, heartbroken, shocked, or sad when you catch your partner cheating on you. Acknowledge your emotions, and do not ignore your feelings, face them. If you run away from your feelings, eventually all the emotions will build up inside you, and you will blast like a bomb, and trust me that’s NOT what you want. The most dominant emotion that you may feel will be anger. You will want to take your anger out by hurting your cheating partner or by taking revenge. This is not the right way to face your emotions; try dealing with your anger without taking it out on your partner. Try talking to a close family member or a friend, consider writing your feelings down in a diary or a journal, go for a walk, sing or dance it out or even punch a pillow. Just do not project your rage on people around you.
2. Forgiveness will set you free
   
   When the person you have vowed to stay with and love, forever, cheats on you, your first instinct is to curse them and never ever forgive them. Don’t forgive your partner because they are sorry and have apologized a million times; forgive them for YOUR peace of mind because YOU deserve it. Letting go of mistakes and forgiving is an important tool for a prosperous relationship. Forgiveness does not mean that you are overlooking the insensitive behaviour of your partner. It simply means that you are better than this; you will not waste your energy and time on holding on to the betrayals and anger, instead you will put that time and energy to recover your relationship. It is not going to be easy, but it is still possible to forgive them. When you cannot help but picture your partner betraying you, and you start feeling nauseated, think of your calm happy place, or distract yourself, and do something so you do not think about it for too long. Once you have decided to forgive your partner, refrain from throwing sarcastic taunts in their face and reminding them again and again about what they did wrong; give them a chance to become a better person. Never be afraid to start over, it’s a chance to rebuild your life.
3. Give each other space
   
   You have recently been cheated on by the person you love; naturally, you want them to always stay in sight, where you can keep an eye on them. You need to keep in mind that once you have planned to forgive your partner, you need to trust them as well and not hurry the process. Do not turn into a clingy person always breathing on your partner’s neck. Spend some time apart, and get your thoughts in one place, and when you feel that you are ready to live with them, move back together with a fresh new start.

   Build a new relationship, and make it your goal to survive the anger and the insecurities. You and your partner need to reassure each other that you guys will come out of this rough patch. You will find people telling you that if they did it once, they’ll do it again, but you have to fight this, and learn to trust your partner.