Daily Times

Many of us think it is romantic and poetic to love someone with everything you have, whether or not they love you back. Yet the reality is very different. The pain of loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you can be almost unbearable. It might seem like a hopeless situation, one that keeps you up all night as you lie there wondering where you went wrong, why you are not good enough, and why the other person can’t feel the same connection you feel.

However, many of us fail to understand that one-sided love is not our fault or theirs. It just is, and always will be, a cause of heartache until you decide to save yourself and cope with it.

Many of us fail to understand that one-sided love is not our fault or theirs. It just is, and always will be, a cause of heartache until you decide to save yourself and cope with it

Face the reality

Usually, our hopes are different from our reality. When we are overwhelmed with emotions, we do not see what is actually happening, and instead, we focus on our hopes and dreams. We are not in love with the real person; we are in love with the idea of that person.

As a result, we ignore our dearly beloved’s actions if they display anything other than what matches our desires.

What we should do is observe the actions of the person we love, rather than focusing on our expectations. Sooner or later, we will realise that what we’re expecting is different than what truly is.

Allow yourself to grieve

When you are faced with the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable, it can really hurt. First of all, it is OKAY to mourn. You have lost the idea of being loved. You are the victim of unreciprocated love. Hence, you are allowed to grieve. Don’t suppress your emotions and let yourself be angry, sad, or upset. All of the emotions you are experiencing are valid, and you have to allow yourself to feel these emotions. Give yourself time, your feelings won’t fade away overnight.

Keep yourself busy

When you are dealing with the burden of loving someone you cannot be with, you can easily get stuck at home, overthinking things and wishing to change them, but this is not going to help you in any way. Make an effort to keep yourself busy, and do things that you enjoy. Whether it’s reading your favorite book, spending time with friends and family, or any other hobby, trust me when I say it can really help. Not only are you distracting yourself from thinking about this person, you are always doing things that you enjoy, and may even find new hobbies that you like too.

Express your feelings

While you are going through this hard time, your friends and family can be really supportive, so try and spend time with them as much as you can. Reaching out to those who genuinely care about you is a great way to deal with what has happened and hopefully start to move forward.

Be aware of the other person’s pain too

It can be the hardest thing to do when you are going through the pain of not being loved back, and rejection, but being sympathetic towards the other person’s pain is a mature thing to do. Often when we go through a situation like this, we can get so wrapped up in our own pain and feelings that we forget to think about the other person at all. You need to put yourself in their place and see that it most likely was not easy for them to reject you, as that is an ugly thing to do. They could have their own reasons for not being with you, and by rejecting your love they know that it could hurt your friendship. Keep in mind that it takes courage to tell someone the truth when one can always lie to you. Try and empathise and know that it’s not only you who is hurting right now. After all, true love is wanting what’s best for someone, even if doesn’t include you.

Published in Daily Times, July 5^th 2018.