Daily Times

I place myself among those few people who have been blessed enough to have had the opportunity to travel the globe from the tender age of six. I saw the world during 1960s and early 1970s, and visited the UK, Western Europe, the Middle East, North Africa, South-east Asia and the Far East before turning eleven. So when in 1971, someone asked me which city I found best, I spontaneously replied, “Tokyo.”

As I recall, what struck me most was that despite being an ultra-modern metropolis having the largest population in those days, it was welcoming, immaculately clean, and exceptionally beautiful. Best of all, it did not seem to have a stifling effect on visitors. To me as a child, the city was a harmonious blend of western advancements while retaining the cherished traditions of the East. What a far cry from the cold attitude of Europeans, especially towards the darker races!

The wish to revisit Japan (old name Nippon meaning origin of the sun) remained in the back of my mind until 1994 when my husband got the chance to attend a conference in Miyazaki on the island of Kyushu. He returned with two weeks of unforgettable memories, rejuvenating my desire to return to that amazing country. My dream came true in May of 2016, when we planned a seven day trip to the land of the rising sun. Equipped with Japan Rail Pass we set out to discover not just the modern cities, the natural beauty of the country but more importantly the unique characteristics of the nation that has steadfastly upheld its well-guarded values. I was apprehensive that having entered into the 21st century, Japan too would be adversely affected in terms of behaviour because of new technologies responsible for increasing connectivity but leaving the individual souls in a spiritual void. However, my anxiety was short-lived.

Younger Japanese people are increasingly viewing domestic violence as a problem that needs to be solved. There was no legislation against domestic violence in Japan until 2001

The ethereal feeling that engulfed my heart and mind the moment I landed in Tokyo cannot be expressed in words. I was simply thrilled to return after exactly forty five years to this remarkable country where nothing had changed. The cleanliness, orderliness, silent mobile phones in all public transports, no shoving in crowded places, pleasantly breathable air and strict discipline on the roads but most of all the courteous behaviour of the people of Japan, were truly overwhelming. Honestly, it was like visiting a wonderland! It’s not that the Japanese are perfect or without any negative characteristics, but as a nation their manners are truly exceptional.

Generally, we are all taught certain etiquettes. If learnt properly, these are things we should follow as a matter of routine, but in reality what happens is that we, according to our situations, place, people and time, choose when to and when not to behave. So while we may be respectful towards our elders and influential persons, we can be quite rude to the younger lot or those who are weak or below our status. We may put on a courteous demeanour in public and talk sweetly with those around to throw a good impression about ourselves. But when no one is watching, we may use loud and even foul language with family and friends. Again, where it suits us or where there is a need to flatter someone, we are on our best behaviour. But, they do say that when you want to know what kind of a person someone is, then look at the way they treat people who are in a weaker position than themselves.

Of course, the people to whom good manners come naturally do not have to put on a show. They automatically act on the prescribed lines, irrespective of the situation or the people they are around. Such are the Japanese! Respect for others flows in their blood! They bow (ojigi) when greeting others, so much so that even on trains the hosts or hostesses bringing in food trolleys turn around to face the passengers, bowing before exiting the compartment. It may be a routine exercise for them, but it definitely leaves others feeling elated and honoured.

During my trip, I saw the way one of the female passengers patiently attended her old parents, serving them food before she ate herself, walking them to the toilet one by one and at no moment was there a slight glimpse of vexation on her face. This was a first-hand experience narrated here. Throughout our seven days in Tokyo, Osaka, Hiroshima and Miyazaki we came across many similar incidents, and all of these didn’t involve family members either.

Some of my readers may disagree with my praise for Japanese etiquette, because the country has a reputation for letting men get away with highly misogynistic behaviour. While this may be true, it is a part of their negative characteristics, for like other humans, the Japanese are not perfect either. Unfortunately, certain sexist behaviours seem to be built into Japanese culture and are considered normal. Numerous studies show that this attitude is changing. For example, younger Japanese people are increasingly viewing domestic violence as a problem that needs to be solved. There was no legislation against domestic violence in Japan until 2001. Now charges against abusive husbands are being pursued, and successfully in some cases. This makes it clear that instead of sweeping the problem under the carpet, Japanese society had the moral courage to face its demons. It also goes to show that a humane outlook, together with respect for others is more important than mere sermonising for a peaceful and happy society.

The writer is a lawyer and author and part of the Adjunct Faculty at Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS)

Published in Daily Times, June 8^th 2018.