Daily Times

One can hold a mirror up to the nature and to the entire world except towards one’s own self. More often, I find it difficult to even look into the mirror with a fixed gaze. Even when I have to perforce look into the mirror, I keep rolling my eyes to the right and left without focusing it on my face. Thus, I scarcely realize my cheerless face and the ravages of age brought on there by the advancing years and yet try to look good without looking straight into my eyes. Writing about oneself is indeed a daunting task as it is hard to keep one’s ego in check and write dispassionately.

After having spent three scores and ten years on this earth, it appears quite in order to take stock of the quality of life spent here. As I look back in retrospect, I can carefully rate myself neither too bad nor poor to be thoroughly condemned, nor too good to be emulated by others, but simply, as a mediocre that lived a life according to my own terms, and have been quite happy about it. The fact which pre-eminently qualifies me to be a confirmed mediocre is that I have not achieved any significant mark in any  fields of my choice, be it  calligraphy, vocal music, arts, or literature whose germs, I believe, were initially present in my genes, but which I could not groom the way those should have been groomed.

When I say ‘on my own terms’, I do not imply being a maverick, or a non-conformist, as is commonly understood. By the use of these terms I only mean that I did not follow the normal behavior without questioning their logic, and without anybody’s dictation.

I confess that I certainly could not lead a life which I considered was most desirable, but then there are very few people on this planet who are perfectly satisfied with their lives. The element of regret or dissatisfaction to a lesser or more degree remains present in the lives of common people unless they fall in the category of extraordinary people like prophets, saints, mystics, or philosophers.

The word ‘mediocre’ has vast connotations varying from ‘ordinary’, ‘common’, ‘workaday’, ‘passable’ and ‘tolerable’ etc. to ‘colourless’, ‘dull’, and even ‘of a poor quality’ etc. I do not rule out application of any or all of these attributes in my case depending on the judgment of my assessor.

What makes me different from the rest is that for most part of my time I have followed the beaten track with an astounding regularity. William Hazlitt once said,” Those who aim at faultless regularity will only produce mediocrity, and no one ever approaches perfection except by stealth.”And I am glad that I have never been guilty of stealth. It amuses me to see that those of my contemporaries who left the beaten track and like Sindbad, set off on an unchartered voyage are today seen rubbing shoulders with me like haggard and worn out sailors.

A mediocre never specializes in anything and does a bit of everything at a mediocre level so that he gets to see a wider view of the outdoor world and feels more of a tangible attachment with everything at the same time. This allows him to enjoy vicarious excitement of life of which the people seeking perfection are hardly aware of.

The mediocre never specialise in anything and do a bit of everything at an unremarkable level so that they get to see a wider view of the outdoor world and feel more of a tangible attachment with everything at the same time

The world is a noisy and turbulent place where everybody strives to compete with others and this mad race goes on interminably. In this kind of environment, one must remind oneself to slow down, take a deep breath, let one feel alone, and reflect in silence. One must enjoy bouts of peace in between bouts of hectic work. The struggle for success is good but it is not the end in itself. A very small number of people who reach near-excellence level have a scope to feel the thrill of life and for all the rest the life remains a wild goose chase, leaving them sad, worn out and depleted at the end! A mediocre on the other hand makes peace with nature, and quietly embracing his limitations leads a beautiful, quiet, and simple life.

I am essentially a shy man, and do not like crowds. I am endowed with the gift of feeling alone even in the midst of crowds. This may be partly because of my habit and partly because I know I have nothing to impart to others. My silence is often rightly understood by my friends as my ignorance. And I feel relieved when my presence is little felt by the people around me. All these traits fully entrench me as a mediocre of the sorts who has come to terms with life sooner than most of his companions.

During my days of regular service under the government, in my youthful enthusiasm, I believed that hard work and constant struggle were the sine qua non of life. I earned the sobriquet of being workaholic which I considered a feather in my cap. Today, I abhor all that. Having seen much of life, I now consider that work and life are distinctly separate and both are equally important. The Struggle involves day to day strife, but there must always be some space for rest and leisure.

There is much else in life which is just as important as work. Life is so full of surprises, beauty and vitality that each drop of its nectar should be drunk to the dregs. There are so many books to read; there are so many places to visit; there is so much music to listen to; and so many wonderful ideas in the air to be inhaled and absorbed, that it all seems difficult to do within the limited span of life left behind. I rue for the lost time I could capture a fraction of all this beauty, but I let it go because of being a mediocrity.

Of late, I am scared of the people who have the pretentions of being devoid of common human foibles. It is time that we learnt reality about humanity, and serenely acknowledge some basic truths about them. This can only foster more love between us, and banish hatred which is the bane of most of our ills. The world of today is not inhabited by the paragons of virtue. This is the world where mediocre talent can thrive with full freedom. And luckily they are in absolute majority, and hopefully will remain so in the days to come.

I am very happy about myself despite my multiple weaknesses which I enjoy more than I regret.

The writer is a former member of the Provincial Civil Service and is currently a freelance writer

Published in Daily Times, May 31^st 2018.