Daily Times

“Race didn’t matter. Age didn’t matter. Being divorced didn’t matter. And she married a Prince. Hope that enlightens some people’s thinking”-Twitter quote by Faiqa

On 19 May 2018, a bright and beautiful day in London, Prince Harry of Britain and Meghan Markle of USA tied the nuptial knot, but in reality they tied the knot between royalty and middle class, white and black races, tradition and non-conformity, so-called upper class and commonality, to celebrate what we may understand as humanity.

Since the rocky marriage of Prince Charles and Diana, much concern was shown about the fate of their sons William and Harry. The former is now well-settled with Kate Middleton and the latter has entered into, by all standards, a very unique bond. No one could have imagined that Prince Harry, a most eligible bachelor would take a wife having none of the credentials which are rightly or wrongly associated with a would-be princess; much like, no one ever thought that one day a Black American would become president of the United States of America for not just one, but two terms.

In the backdrop of conventions religiously observed by the United Kingdom wherein a royal family member’s marriage with a divorcee was unthinkable and because of which King Edward the VIII had to abrogate the throne in 1936 on account of his desire to marry a twice divorced Mrs. Wallis Simpson, Prince Harry’s decision is indeed phenomenal. Twenty first century is getting to be full of wonderful surprises!

A much needed change in our outlook is necessary if we want to enjoy a long term and compatible relationship with our life partners.

A lot has been written and spoken about the importance of this bond we call marriage which is in reality, a civil agreement between two adults who want to spend their lives together. It is a fairly simple contractual proposition that has been rendered difficult and highly complicated by societal norms, traditions and many other considerations. Almost all societies existing from times immemorial have laid down a certain criteria for entering into matrimonial alliances and those who dare to breach these are considered rebels, who in some cases are ostracized and in some worse scenarios, can even be killed. Even where there is acceptance, it is generally with an element of aversion, unless it brings within its fold some very desirable benefits.

Prince Harry and Meghan’s wedding has roused much global interest with unprecedented television coverage by leading media houses along with discussions, exchange of jokes, parodies, pictures and videos through innumerable rounds on the social media. Whatever maybe the situation, it has in its wake induced many thought provoking notions with special reference to the general mentality of our own people in matters of race, age, and marital status when searching for a life partner, more specifically a wife.

The usual qualities most sought after are beauty, fair complexion, youth, virginity, education, submissiveness, same or better caste, well-connected and well-off family background, and nowadays, a cherry on the cake would be a well-established career. Not only are these attributes looked for by prospective husbands but even their ever-anxious mothers whose thirst for the perfect daughter-in-law never seems to get quenched even though they themselves at one point of time may have been subjected to the same grilling.

There are very rare instances when the main consideration of a good marriage proposal is compatibility, the not so secret code for a happy married life. Thus, when suitability becomes the main virtue, then other factors like age, looks etc. take a back seat. What more a man or a woman can want from life than to live in peaceful coexistence with one another’s differences, to share life’s ups and downs with congeniality, to be there for one another’s needs, to provide support whenever required, to allow the other to grow in terms of ambition and fulfillment of one’s aspirations and best of all to give one another sufficient room to breathe freely.

Life is volatile and human beings, very unpredictable. A lot of sense and sensibility are essential elements to deal with unimaginable events that continuously crop up each day and amid this ruckus a beautiful, young but non-compatible mate can only add to the woes whereas a plain looking, maybe elderly but a well-matched one can ameliorate life’s sufferings. The comfort level one enjoys with one’s companion has tremendous significance to strike that bond of harmony we all aspire for.

Prince Harry, in the footsteps of his forefather may have discovered the key to his peace of mind, which he probably cherishes more than artificial yardsticks for passing judgements about the merits of a woman’s suitability as a life partner. Whether the outcome of this decision is the fairytale ending ‘…and they lived happily ever after’ or God forbid, it takes a bizarre turn, only time will tell but the commendable aspect is the courage of the young prince to break all taboos and of course the amiable manner in which the royal family accepted his choice.

Perhaps, this philosophy is too difficult for the simple ladies of the Indian Sub-continent who leave no stone unturned to hunt for that ethereally angelic creature they can proudly display as their daughter-in-law. Apparently, the Muslim community has failed to learn a lesson from the example of the Holy Prophet, Hazrat Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) who married Hazrat Khadija (AS) who happened to be fifteen years older to him but perhaps, Harry-Mehgan union may be a source of enlightenment for the ones seeking compatible partners for themselves or their sons, brothers and other male members of their family.

A much needed change in our outlook is necessary if we want to enjoy a long term and compatible relationship with our life partners. Moral of the story: you may not marry the prince or princess of your dreams but you can, by your action, convert yourselves into royalty.

The writer, lawyer and author, is anAdjunct Faculty at Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS)

Published in Daily Times, May 26^th 2018.