Daily Times

There is nothing more addictive than the ‘hope’ of love. However, sometimes, this addiction can be self-destructive. When relationships become toxic and insensitive, they can be the toughest to let go of.

The girl who is always trying to make others happy gets confused when she constantly keeps hearing an ‘I love you’ from the same person who is breaking her. She is a giver, and he is a taker. He sucks all the life and energy out of her. Nonetheless, she keeps giving the damaged person a few chances and then some more, and in return, she starts finding herself being taking for granted.

The boy has no fear of losing the girl since he knows she won’t leave him. The girl’s fetish for his attention results in disrespectful behaviour from the boy, who is so self-absorbed, that he is incapable of loving anyone other than himself. He makes promises that he never intends to keep, deliberately instilling fear and pain in her, as he feeds his ego through demeaning and getting attention from others. The boy ends up leaving the girl completely and utterly helpless, in a way that she is no longer left in a position to take a stand for herself. The boy becomes the oppressor, and the girl, the victim of his oppression. In a relationship that has been contaminated to this extent, the victim is often aware of being part of an unhealthy relationship but feels powerless at the hands of love. What the unfortunate girl does not realise is how she is breaking herself up in an attempt to keep others whole. She needs to understand that there is nothing poetic or romantic about struggling to stay in an abusive relationship. At times, you have to give up on people, because they simply do not and will not care for you.

Here are a few reasons why the girl who is always trying to make others happy often ends up in an abusive and toxic relationship:

She is a positive soul

Essentially, she is in the habit of overlooking the flaws in people and believing that there is good in every person. Sometimes, she is even successful at getting them to do something positive for a change; however, what she doesn’t realise is that convincing them to commit a good deed has been mentally and emotionally exhausting for her.

She gives unnecessary chances

She constantly gives toxic people the benefit of the doubt and funnily enough, without them having to ask for one. Due to this, the toxic person does what pleases him momentarily and returns to the girl, as he knows she will as always look past his mistakes and welcome him with open arms. Such people always repeat their mistakes, because all their apologies are fake and insincere.

She is a listener

Toxic people confide in her and take advantage of the chance to be heard. They will talk to her about themselves for hours but ignore anything and everything she has to say. Any time she tries to share something, she will either have to face their ignorance or anger. It is always about them, no matter what.

She believes she is a fixer

She thinks she can rescue damaged souls. The sad reality is that a toxic person will never change himself for anybody. She is willing to fix the broken person to receive love in return, but little does she know that damaged people are not always capable of loving. She does not realise that while trying to save the drowning man, she has herself been fully soaked up by a river of her own tears.

She cannot give up on people

No matter what happens, she cannot find it in her heart to give up on the person who is hurting her. Her pure heart refuses to let go of people who do not even deserve her efforts of unconditional love. Being hopeful about succeeding in making him the best version of himself backfires, as she is unaware of how in this process, she has become a degraded version of herself. She is a lover, not a fighter. She even apologises when it is not her fault to avoid the fights and doesn’t confront the toxic person in order to maintain peace. Toxic people, however, take this attribute of hers for granted and know that they can control her in any way that they wish to. If she tries to confront them for their abusive behavior, they play as if they are the victim.

She thinks she can rescue damaged souls. The sad reality is that a toxic person will never change himself for anybody. She is willing to fix the broken person to receive love in return, but little does she know that damaged people are not always capable of loving

She is always available

She is extremely generous with her time. The inner peace she radiates appeals to damaged people, and they stick to her the way bees get attracted to honey, because she gives them the importance enough to show them that she is eager to let go of everything for them. She is willing to reply to their texts, answer their calls, and satisfy their needs and requests 24/7. These toxic people expect her to prioritise them, but refuse to prioritise her. Similarly, they keep demanding more and more of her time. Upon failing to do so, they intentionally torture her by doing things that will upset her.

She has no boundaries

When a toxic person hurts her, she does not take a stand for herself. She feels depressed and angry, but she never really sets any boundaries. This puts her in a dysfunctional relationship. The person does not even take responsibility for his actions and makes her feel bad instead for being angry at him when he is the one who has done wrong. Toxic people, unapologetically, violate her peace of mind.

Published in Daily Times, May 7^th 2018.