Daily Times

Many years ago, I used to play a game with friends. We sat on the 3rd floor of Oxford Circus in London and spotted Pakistanis among the crowd on Oxford Street. Beyond their profiles, there was something about their body language which gave them away. I tried doing the same last Christmas and failed miserably. Something has changed; and I am not referring to my age.

As children, we are rarely told that we have a place in life that is unique for us. We are individuals before we are anything else. All of us may have a personal narrative in our heads but we are what we are because of basic values that influence our choices in life. These values (tradition, power, self-direction, etc) come from our parents, culture, social roles and personal experiences related to true self. In short, we are not that original, but a combined outcome of everyone and everything that came into our lives.

When Imran Khan aspires for ‘Respect of the Green Passport’, ‘Foreigners coming here to study and work’ and ‘Overseas Pakistanis are key to solving our problems’, I am afraid he is being over-optimistic. He is making two discernible oversights — generalising personal experiences (while being a celebrity) and living in the past (somewhere in the 1960s). Pakistan has become a very different country since General Zia took us into a cul-de-sac after waging his Afghan Jihad. Pakistani Diaspora has also changed drastically in its outlook since 9/11. And, Imran Khan was never a common man even by English standards. He needs a reality check.

The reality is that Pakistan is half of its original size and amidst a population explosion. We are a nuclear state but on a financial grey-list. We are being monitored for ‘exporting terrorism to neighbouring states’ and keep slipping down the scales of daily-living human index. Our ex-PM and family are due to be convicted for corruption and money laundering. Our Tourism died a long time ago and no decent cricket team is prepared to visit us for a series. We are putting all our eggs in the CPEC basket while alienating the rest of the world. Under these circumstances, if we are ranked above our neighbours on the happiness index, I (as a psychiatrist) better refrain from commenting on our national mental state.

It is time that we, including Imran Khan, look in the mirror and accept who we have become. We may need to restore our identity and find a psychological ‘home’ to compensate for our defencelessness. We require a respite to rehabilitate our minds because the world is now opposed to our outdated antics

Another reality is that we have changed as a result of stressful national life events. We achieved it by allowing ourselves to be bullied as victims by the military and civilian dictatorships and letting them determine our outlook towards life. Our home-grown religious zealots did the rest by shredding and tossing the book that was our life into sewage. We are now globally perceived to do wrong no matter where we are. It is an albatross around our necks, that we are required to act unpredictably whether at cricket or in international diplomacy. Every creature which lives must do that some time, but we have embraced this dark shadow — a defeat of our character. This is the illness of those who do not fit in by keeping faith in the morbid myths they created for themselves.

Imran Khan, despite his short-comings, holds his head high and walks with a swagger. Most Pakistanis, except a deluded few at home, have forgotten how to go about it. It has nothing to do with their jobs, money in their wallets (or banks) or the mode and make of their transport; it is about being socially devalued and negatively stereotyped. They have drifted into a survival mode with concealable stigmatised identities. Being a Muslim and hailing from Pakistan is a ‘lethal combination’ as soon as you step outside the country — the anticipated stigma leads many to feel depressed and anxious. This depression may lead to increased social isolation if you live abroad. People subconsciously ‘mask’ their natural personalities, therefore, to conform to the social pressures, or to avoid insults and harassment. This includes changing names and appearances to fit in and escape actual or perceived persecution.

Masking, a psychocultural self-process, is not necessarily bad because we may need it. It helped Jewish people survive through centuries of persecution as opposed to those communities who became extinct. It helps shroud emotions while a palliating disappointment, resentment and anger in a way that is acceptable to others. You are then known by your actions and words only, and your internal world is not available for inspection by others. Contrary to what many people assume, a secret life sometime, brings livelier, intimate, and more energised parts of us out of the dark.

It is time we (including Imran Khan) look in the mirror and accept who we have become. We may need to restore our identity and find a psychological ‘home’ to compensate for our defencelessness. We require a respite to rehabilitate our minds because the world is now opposed to our outdated antics. We need to re-align with the desirable versions of ourselves while keeping alive our core values to survive the impending storm (crying nerve agent/gas) heading towards Syria for now. Unlike the World Wars, pray we are on the winning side this time.

The writer is a Consultant Psychiatrist and Visiting Professor. He tweets @AamerSarfarz

Published in Daily Times, April 13^th 2018.