Daily Times

A person needs a few things to be truly happy — “someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for”. I wish it were that simple. Happiness means different things to different people. It can make them sociable and altruistic; increases earning and strengthens their immune systems. People around the world, term happiness as more important than a meaningful life, being rich or going to heaven. No wonder everyone wants a slice of this cake.

Aristotle believed that happiness is the outcome of commendable rational activity; the only thing humans desire for its own sake. Freud added that we live to strive for happiness and to avoid pain. Nietzsche criticised the excessive focus on happiness itself and said, “Man does not strive for happiness, only the Englishman does.” He instead favoured a culture that sets higher goals, and happiness lies in their pursuit.

If you ask someone what would put a permanent smile on his/her face, the answer would be — more money. An American study in the 1970s examined this myth in a sample of lottery-winners vs. normal people. They found that the lottery winners were no more or less happy than the normal people. Since lottery is an unusual way of getting rich, psychologists also researched the relationship between happiness and increase in income. The results were the same in different countries i.e. the increase in income did not lead to a happier life.

Happiness can be found in holding someone in your arms on the edge of sand, and dancing in the moonlight. Not caring whether you get loved in return, perhaps true love knows nothing except true happiness. Is this about the courage to live a heightened existence where the inner self marks out a course and follows it to the end? Or is it about awakening to the knowledge that happiness is not about possessing someone physically, but it springs from the sentiment that sets her/him free?

Money cannot buy happiness is because we quickly get used to the things we buy. Buying a new car or a huge house gives a feel-good boost for a while but we get used to the change soon and return to the previous level of joy

Happiness may lie in the beauty of ancient architecture, warmth of friendships, wisdom of scholars, skills of artisans, in the abundance of harvest and spontaneous laughter of a child. Not drawn to luxury, I feel happy with simple things in life: ground coffee, books, and people I appreciate. In Faisalabad, however, “happiness means having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family living in another city (Lahore).”

We live in fantasy while the real life slips away in small moments. We are condemned to wallow in the past and are obsessed with the future. Regardless of what happened this morning, last week or five years from now — now is where happiness resides. If you look for a true friendship, it is rare. Go out and be a friend; you will find many. To be truly happy, live in the present, without brooding over the past and fretting about what lies ahead.

Being happy is our responsibility. Happiness is not ready-made; it is a product of our actions. It is partially determined by avoiding and not fighting battles — a masterly retreat can also be a victory. Some simple but scientifically proven tricks to attain happiness include: regular exercise (at least seven minutes per day), better/more sleep, a move closer to work (short commute), spending more time outdoors (preferably in 14oC temperature) and planning a holiday (you don’t have to go).

The answer to the question why money cannot buy happiness is that we quickly get used to the things we buy. Buying a new car or a huge house gives a feel-good boost but we get used to it soon and return to previous level of joy. If you want to buy happiness, buy experiences eg dinner with friends, holiday with family, or going to cinema/theater/concert. With time, new things lose shine and shape but delightful memories of spending time with others get more refined and are an eternal source of joy.

It is said that the best way to cheer yourself is to cheer someone else up. Spending on others is one of the best investments you can make in your long-term happiness. The good news is that you do not have to break the bank; small gifts to others can be equally beneficial. If you are a materialist (its roots lie in childhood low self-esteem), you can rely on acts of non-financial kindness and, on helping others, to increase your happiness considerably. Research shows that two hours per week need to be spent on others to enrich your lives.

If we are unhappy, we seek comfort by talking to friends or family. This helps but has no long-term benefits. Studies show that writing a diary-type account of negative feelings/experiences significantly increases well-being and happiness. The level of happiness can be increased further by writing regularly about gratitude for things you are grateful in life for. The secret of this approach lies in the fact that talking, being un-structured, may cause confusion but writing produces solution-based narratives.

Happiness is the outcome of a life lived well. Two final tips to set you up are: smile more often and act happy. If nothing else works, meditate/pray and age gracefully. Both make you happier.

The writer is a Consultant Psychiatrist and Visiting Professor. He tweets @AamerSarfraz

Published in Daily Times, January 9^th 2018.