Daily Times

ISLAMABAD: After the successful launch of its own missile, Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI) on Monday announced the launch of its own nuclear program in a ceremony at Bani Gala, party chief Imran Khan’s residence.

“As you know our nuclear assets are in the hands of Modi’s friends like Nawaz Sharif so we, the only patriotic party of Pakistan, cannot stay silent and have launched this program under the supervision of our chief of staff Naeemul Haque,” Imran Khan told journalists at the launch.

The PTI chief was of the view that the party does not trust the ruling PML-N with the country’s nuclear program so its nuclear scientists Dr. Firdous Ashiq Awan and Dr. Yasmeen Rashid took this upon themselves to initiate a nuclear program for ‘Naya Pakistan’.

“Plus I am sick of using the word Tsunami for my movement so I think a nuclear attack will sound good for a party with the likes of Farhan Virk in its ranks,” said Imran Khan.

‘Nuclear or Night Club’

Speaking on the occasion, PTI’s Chief of Staff Naeemul Haque revealed that when Imran Khan and the team of nuclear scientists came up with the idea he approved it without knowing what they intend to do by “joining the nuclear club”.

“I thought nuclear club is some sort of a night club and will help me get over my loneliness, I thought they want to stop me from discussing marriage with party’s women members. This is a good program nevertheless and I am happy to become a part of it. I have no other option,” said Haque.

Dr. Firdous Ashiq Awan, one of the nuclear scientists working on the program, assured all that the nuclear program is in safe hands and rival parties should not worry about possibility of a nuclear attack as “verbal abuses by our party’s social media team are enough to scare all our opponents”.

Dr. Yasmeen Rashid, however, made it clear that a nuclear attack is a possibility if the party’s candidates lose again and again like I did in NA-120 by-polls.

“Look, the people are not voting for us, they need to be educated that we are the only patriotic party in Pakistan and if they keep doing all this to us, we will have no option but to scare them with a bomb, how can we make Naya Pakistan if they don’t vote for us,” said Rashid.

The party chief Imran Khan, however, termed this difference between the party’s nuclear scientists’ statements as a routine affair.

“Look we were not able to choose a opposition leader unanimously so how can you expect us to be on one page regarding a nuclear program, so this is a routine affair,” said the PTI chief.

It is pertinent to note here that on October 1, PTI “Tigers” launched party’s first missile, terming it a “first in the history of Pakistani politics”. The launch informally revealed that the party has its own missile program.

*If it wasn’t utterly clear, this is a satire piece.

The writer is a digital journalist who works for ARY News and has in the past worked for DAWN.com. He loves to write political satire. He tweets @anees_avis