Daily Times

As the column is written a few days earlier, I cannot be sure if these greetings are timely or in advance. For, if you combine the inherent uncertainties of the lunar calendar with some of our more futile and frivolous national proclivities (where the only certainty is that nothing is certain) then, in quasi-mathematical language, the best one can come up with is that Eid will fall on a given date with an uncertainty factor of +/- one day.

Anyway, Lord knows you deserve all my good wishes. Who does not need a respite from the battering of uniformly depressing news our psyches have been subjected to for some time? Today methinks even our media will largely forget its staple gut-wrenchers of how millions of us do not have access to clean drinking water or afford two square meals a day, etc, etc.

As an aside here, the cynic in me wonders why such ‘no-news’ (in the sense that it is common knowledge, little can be done about it, and the situation will not alter for years to come) is permanently considered ‘news’ by our TV channels.

Besides, Ramadhan (sorry, I have lived too long in the Arab world to spell it differently) is over. To endure a whole month of little else but incessant homilies from the self-appointed guardians and interpreters of our faith (now creeping out from every nook and cranny of our land) must have left you pretty exhausted, dazed, and bewildered. Were you not lectured monotonously that in this baa-barkat (blessed) month, Shaitan (Satan) is locked up and Allah showers his untold blessings upon the faithful? It must have been quite an effort of convoluted mental gymnastics to reconcile this with the realities of the killing sprees in Karachi, the suicide bombings, and the continuation of much routine pain and suffering, etc. Nevertheless, showing great and unquestioning fortitude, you somehow managed to maintain your sanity.

So, it is time to celebrate a return to the profitable pursuit of murky business as usual without possible guilt feelings.

Not that a great many of us have not mastered the art of disguising the grubby realities of what needs to be done surreptitiously to further our private interests, in the cloak of surface piety for public display. At least Augustine, the medieval Christian philosopher and theologian (who would later be anointed a saint) was honest when he recollected that once, in youthful torment, he uttered a prayer such as: “Lord, give me chastity and continence…but not yet.” Given that example of human frailty, what chance do we ordinary sinners stand to resist worldly temptation, Ramadhan or no Ramadhan?

Surely our simple approach of ‘do now repent later’ (while setting aside part of any ill-gotten gains for sadqa (alms/charity), and an umrah or two, as an insurance premium) is better suited to the tough modern environment? As for the hereafter, is it not a fair gamble to trust Allah when He says He is merciful and all forgiving? Or, as Macbeth put it, “…Upon this brink and shoal of time, we would jump the life to come.”

In khutbas (sermons) across the country you will hear how our plight is the result of us forsaking the true path ordained for Muslims. Now it is easy enough for me to understand how a return to the sirat-al-mustaqeem (the straight path) will ensure a place in Heaven. But why should this enticingly simple formula (that per se requires no investment in economic infrastructure or modern scientific education, etc) result in the cleansing and re-generation of our society, not to mention a regaining of lost past glories and rapid domination of the world?

Upon further reflection I can understand how the basic argument can be easily extended to cover such trivial objections. As a true Muslim shuns corruption we shall be rid of that particular scourge (Alhamdolillah, IK and his party will become irrelevant). Everyone will scrupulously pay their taxes, and good governance will naturally be a given, resulting automatically in a new era of justice and unimagined prosperity. With munafiqat (hypocrisy) foresworn, all political parties (except, of course, the religious ones, for obvious reasons) will become redundant. For, politics itself will become obsolete and TV anchors will run the government. Also, as no true Muslim can kill another, the killings in Karachi will also be a thing of the past and suicide bombings will stop (except those carried out by RAW/CIA/Mossad, etc).

But, for all the endless temporal benefits of such mass conversion to the righteous path, I believe some tricky questions will still remain to be resolved. Not the least will be the future (in the light of a recent fatwa) of certain charitable institutions and NGOs (such as those of singer Abrar-ul-Haq, and possibly even Shaukat Khanum) whose fund-raising efforts rely heavily on Zakat donations. Will we need a constitution and political institutions? How will the righteous choose who is to lead them? Will lawyers be redundant in the new justice system? Will the government be allowed deficit financing? More generally, will we isolate ourselves from an international economic system based on ‘riba’ (interest)?

But let us not obfuscate the crystalline purity of the basic simple idea by raising beforehand such essentially secondary issues. Besides, squaring a circle is not impossible (given what any mathematician will tell you, that the two are topologically equivalent) for us types who specialise in reaching out for impossibly creative solutions rather than the obvious ones.

But, my friends, even though it should be clear to even a moron that the simple solution to all problems is to turn a new leaf and become true Muslims, there is a fly in the ointment that is all too likely to derail such a wonderful project. Can any two of us even agree on who is a Muslim, let alone agree on what it takes to be a ‘true’ Muslim?

And who will lead the Ummah? Will it be us, or the Khadim-e-Haramain Sharifain or Ayatollah Khomeini?

I end this column with two observations. First, if this column seems overly religion-centric, put it down largely to the occasion on which it is being written. It is not, heaven forbid, intended as an anti-Islam tract. The problem is not the religion but a certain type of believer. For, who can reject, or even make fun of, one’s own upbringing and the sincerely held beliefs of millions of good men you have shared a lifetime with? My concern is only with the hypocrisy I see all around me, and the obsession of a minority (at least I think it is a minority) who have unscrupulously but successfully (by hijacking the state) exploited a great religion for their own petty ends, and shepherded our country into a dangerous dead end.

Secondly, despite that clear statement of intent above, there is a certain type of person (and, unfortunately for us, for the reason given above, there are far too many of them within us) who will nevertheless be quick to put his own narrow and regressive interpretation, and thereby become ‘enraged’ by what I have said. Whether what I say will make any difference to such a person, I cannot say. Probably none. But the average reader should know it gives me no satisfaction at all to have written what I have written. On the contrary, it is a cry of deep anguish at what we have made of ourselves, through that arrogance characteristic of a closed mind that believes it has all the answers, and has no qualms about imposing its views on others, through force and violence if necessary.

That said, I end how I started: Eid Mubarak, my friends. Enjoy yourselves and have a happy day. Do not ever let all the misery and sadness around you overwhelm your spirits. Is that not what your religion teaches you?

The writer is a businessman. A selection of his columns is now available in book form. Visit munirattaullah.com