Daily Times

Last week’s column ended with the observation that the Pakistani populace drives imported cars run by imported fuel on imported roads, and will continue to do so until the money runs out. And note that the money running out is a credible risk, since there will come a point when the creditors will stop being generous. To be absolutely clear, money in this context refers to US dollars, hence printing rupees endlessly will not resolve the matter. If laypersons are wondering how the US got away with leading a luxurious life on imported everything, and in fact continues to do so, well it is a simple formula: as the sole superpower and the central bank for the world, they can get away with printing dollars endlessly.

So why crib about imported transportation? Simply because it does not end there. While driving on the road suddenly the mobile phone rings, which is either Chinese or American or European but definitely not Pakistani, and amazingly the telecom service provider is also not Pakistani. Again they are Chinese, European or Arab with perhaps a pinch of Singaporean; and guess where the telecom equipment, through which they provide these services, comes from. Yep, China or the west. So, sit back but please park the car because using a mobile device while driving is a safety hazard, and enjoy the luxury of talking. Frankly, for a nation with one of the lowest per capita incomes in the world, we surely love to talk.

And talking must be a lucrative business for the service providers; why else would the government have been successful in auctioning off the 3G and 4G spectrums at the reserve price? Now everyone can import smart phones and browse the internet at breathtaking speed. Are these foreign investors crazy spending billions of dollars to make life so comfortable for Pakistanis?

All this talking incites hunger pangs and luckily there is a fast food chain just ahead. Is it not a blessing that they import all their meats and buns and potatoes? Imagine how tasteless the burger would be if it was prepared from locally grown vegetables and livestock. And how refreshing are the cold soft drinks courtesy the foreign brands; yummy! Not only are these foreigners efficient enough to filter and process the water before they mix it with the concentrate, they are caring enough to bottle water separately for consumption. Imagine if Pakistanis had to drink tap water! In fact, the nation is extremely obliged that foreign brands make the effort to pasteurise milk; one cannot imagine drinking milk fresh from the farm.

Lapping it up in luxury, why not take a vacation or, on the other hand, it is back to work for the diligent workers toiling on foreign lands to earn a living. Is it not a blessing that there are so many foreign airlines to choose from? Imagine: without their commitment to make life comfortable for Pakistanis, the latter would be forced to choose the national carrier. And the media has already ensured that everyone know what a poor job PIA does. The good thing is that they have even sublet certain domestic flights to the Turks and the Czechs. In fact, it would be best if they sell the national airline to a foreign company so that the consumers can even travel domestically in comfort. These foreigners definitely love Pakistan.

Take the power crisis; at a time when the government is not willing to invest directly in power projects and domestic investors are not coming forth, foreigners once again offer their services so that we can sit back and relax. In order to ensure that the nation is not even bothered with trivial tasks, friendly nations plan to not only import the equipment but also to construct, erect and operate the plants. Kudos to the Koreans, the Chinese and the rest! And please let us not forget to thank the Japanese — even with power, the nation needs its televisions, refrigerators, DVD players and what not to relax and rest after a tiring episode of doing nothing. Thankfully, the government has also allowed foreign entertainment, including most graciously from across the border; domestic actors and producers are no match for the Turks and the Indians. What else can Pakistanis ask for? A quality of life, which royalty would be envious of, and all imported.

And the nation is deeply obliged to the foreign shippers for bringing all this great stuff to Pakistan. Imagine if the national shipping corporation were responsible for sea freight. Horrific! Is it not a brilliant insight that even the ports should be managed and operated by foreigners? Pakistanis would surely have mucked that up too! When will they privatise the railways? Foreign operators surely can do a better job than Pakistanis.

It is a good thing that the steel mill is up for sale too; at least the nation will not have to pay for its losses. It would be much simpler to pay for imported steel directly, and the best part is it would be stronger. Look at the wonderful job the privatised banks under foreign control are doing, especially the ingenious credit card facility. Pay for all these imported goods and not worry about having cash! Is it not comforting to know that all of the nation’s savings, all those billions of rupees, are not being managed by Pakistanis?

However, the best part is that these friendly foreign investors have finally hit upon an idea that Pakistanis should not even be bothered with the tedious task of managing these businesses. In the best interests of our comfort, they now import managers as well, obviously at deserving generous packages for moving to a hardship location, the nation is indeed indebted. And for those who crib about loss of jobs, look at the brilliant job foreign NGOs do for poverty alleviation in Pakistan. And, after all, it is their money!

Or is it?

Dear fellow countrypersons, it is not their money! At some point in the near future, the nation will have to pay through its teeth, one way or the other, for this uncontrolled largesse. How long can everything continue to be paid for through borrowed money? Unless the game plan is to pray for striking elephant size oil or gold deposits, things are surely on a downward trajectory. If more than 50 percent of the GDP is composed of services that are mostly provided by foreign investment and management, how can that be a tenable situation?

The fact of the matter is that it is either the nation is lazy or lacks the competence to help itself. In the case of the former, it is perhaps time to brainstorm and start reversing the trend. In the case of the latter, sit back on imported furniture, enjoy an imported meal and watch imported entertainment on imported equipment until such time that there is a knock on the door.

Knock knock.

Who is there?

I am F!

Who F?

Friend who wants his money back!

The writer is a chartered accountant based in Islamabad. He can be reached at syed.bakhtiyarkazmi@gmail.com and on twitter @leaccountant