Daily Times

Education in Pakistan is improving day by day. Every year, the number of girls and boys getting masters degrees is increasing. But one problem is that many of these degrees are in useless subjects like English Literature (why do you have to go to university to read a few books?) or Women’s Studies (not even a university degree can help you understand women!) and these degrees are useful only for you to take and fail the CSS exam. So what are you supposed to do? Of course, join the development sector, the fastest growing industry in Pakistan! “But how?” you may ask. So, to help you basket of educated unemployables, we have with us today a leading expert from the field to answer all your questions and help you on your way. Welcome, Madam Nazi Gul Omar, better known to all of us who love her, as NGO Auntie.

Dear NGO Auntie, What should I call my NGO?

Beta, you have asked a key question. My first key point is that you should choose a name that does not limit you. If you call yourself something like Society for Health Improvement of Teenagers (SHIT), you might think that donors will be happy that you know what your specialist focus is. But what will you say when money for health projects and adolescents finishes and donors’ interest shifts to other things? You’ll be saying, “Shit! Why did I call my NGO SHIT?” So, you need a broad name that can cover any type of project so that your NGO can move with the money. Some people like very abstract, aspirational names, like Partnerships on Organising Peaceful Prosperity (POOPP), but I think that just sounds silly. So, to summarise, choose a name that is wide ranging, but grounded in your sector at the same time. Something like Centre for Research Against Poverty (CRAP) is perfect.

Dear NGO Auntie, The position of women in our society is very low. We live in a male-dominated society and men decide what women should do and how they should behave. Women are weak and cannot stand up for their rights. I want to do something about this. I want to open an NGO that works for women’s rights, but my husband won’t let me. What shall I do?

Let me ask my husband.

Dear NGO Auntie, I opened an NGO called Centre for World Piece to help people of my village. Now UNO is giving money for projects, but problem is they are saying projects must include disabled people. In my village there are no disabled people. What shall I do?

There are no disabled people in your village, but there must be a couple of ghundas I am sure. Pay them to go around and break a few legs and you will soon have disabled people. Beta, you need to learn to think out of the box.

Dear NGO Auntie, Last year my NGO Journey of Knowledge and Enlightenment (JOKE), got a project called Get More Girls in School (GMGS). But when my boys went around telling people to send their daughters to school, even the ones who were already in school started leaving. Now, I have to write a progress report for my donor. But there is no progress. Things are worse than before, but I don’t want to lie to my donor.

I admire your honesty, but not your stupidity. How can you say there is no progress? Of course there is progress! Beta, think outside the box! This is called ‘Reverse Progress’. You can even write ‘reverse’ in the footnote because I know word count in reports is limited.

Choose a name that is wide ranging, but grounded in your sector at the same time. Something like Centre for Research Against Poverty (CRAP) is perfect

Dear NGO Auntie, I am confused. Last year, my NGO got money to train people to get jobs in the hospitality sector. This was our first project so we worked really hard and trained 21 people (one woman) and they were so good that they all got jobs in the same hotel! I was so happy. But then someone told me that when they hired our people, the hotel fired 30 people (five women) who worked there before. What should I tell the donor?

Hello, Confused! Where ordinary people see problems, NGO folk see opportunities. Betas, you all have to learn to think outside the box! Anyway, coming to your problem, Confused. You just need to ask the donor for a new project to train unemployed people to get jobs. You can call the new project Opening Opportunities for Peoples’ Skills & Employment (OOPSE).

Well, we have run out of time, folks. Keep your questions coming and NGO Auntie will be back soon!

The writer can be reached at fridakhan@gmail.com. She Tweets at @FridaKhan

Published in Daily Times, July 21^st, 2017.