Daily Times

Every so often I want to write something that is entirely brilliant and every so often I fail at it. Yes, I can take an interesting idea and build up on it but then the limitation of 1,200 words does put a damper on things. That is the limitation op-ed writers learn to live with. Many of us, early on in our careers, write seemingly profound stuff, hoping that our opinions will be read by those who matter and perhaps even impress them enough to make them accept our points of view. In time most of us realise that people we wish to impress rarely read what we write. Most of the time we are preaching to the choir.

The best part of writing for a ‘liberal’ audience however is that we liberals are rarely on the same page for much of anything. We know what we are against but we do not really agree on what we stand for. Yes, we all oppose dictatorship, inequality, poverty, religious extremism and a host of other such things, but what is it that we support and would like to work for? Liberals need a minimally acceptable, common platform on which we can get together and then perhaps work on putting our utterly disorganised house in order. So then, let us start with the basics. First, we must agree on the matter of appearance. What should a real political liberal look like? Here I am going to restrict myself to the male of the liberal species.

The first thing to consider is hair. Almost any hairstyle is acceptable for a liberal except for the Elvis-style pompadour that was also worn by Ronald Reagan, the former president and icon of modern conservatism in the US. Also, entirely to be shunned by any self-respecting liberal is any form of hair replacement, especially a toupee. Just look around and you will see that the Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) is full of hair replacement, toupee types. And nobody has ever accused the PML-N of being a liberal political party. On the other hand, in the Pakistan People’s Party (PPP), the Awami National Party (ANP) and even the Muttahida Qaumi Movement (MQM), there is not a single artificially added or transplanted piece of hair to be seen on the head of any leader. However, a shaved head is also a no-no. It reeks of an entirely illiberal machismo.

Now to facial hair. For a true liberal some amount of facial hair is a must, especially a moustache most likely along the lines of a droopy Jim Croce/early Beatles style. But other forms are acceptable as long as the upper lip hair exceeds the length of a grain of rice. Beards are acceptable in almost any formation except if paired with a shaven upper lip. A profusion of facial hair was a hallmark of the young leftists 50 years ago but now it is important to not look like or be mistaken for a Taliban type. Beards that are unkempt are unacceptable; as a matter of fact, being unkempt in general is against liberalism except for tenured Ivy League professors.

As far as clothes are concerned, I will concentrate on what is commonly worn in the Pakistani environment. In general, we have western style and the local or Pakistani style clothing. Concerning western style clothes, if trousers and shirts are to be worn then these must be of a relatively subdued style. Shirts must not be too colourful or heavily patterned and the trousers or jeans should not be too narrow. My personal preference is that the trousers should be loose enough that they can be put on and taken off without taking your shoes off. Most important for a modern liberal is not to be mistaken for a mummy/daddy burger eating Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaaf (PTI) supporter, probably wearing drainpipe trousers. Also, as a general rule, if your waist size exceeds half your height then it is best to abandon western style clothes and switch to Pakistani style clothing. Anybody walking around with a waist size of 40 inches wearing a pair of trousers meant for a 36-inch waist has to be too uncomfortable to be anything but a political conservative.

As far as Pakistani style clothing is concerned, the so-called awami suit is a no-no. The only truly appropriate matching colours in a shalwar and kurta for a male are white and white. Other than that, light colours might be acceptable but nothing more than that. Even though it is important for a liberal to look as if he is of the awam (people), under no circumstance must it seem that he is wearing whatever he went to bed in the night before.

Next, on to outer clothing. Wearing a sports coat over a pair of trousers is appropriate but it seems that most liberals and members of the PPP that I have met also favour wearing a sports coat over a kurta shalwar combo. On the other hand, the PML-N types seem to mostly wear waistcoats over their kurta shalwars. There are a few on both sides that wear bomber jackets or other western style jackets over the kurta shalwar combo. Personally, I think that this group are neither liberals nor conservatives. Could they then belong to the species better known as the lotas (Muslim showers)?

Finally, to the shoes. Pointy shoes that are obviously uncomfortable clearly are to the feet what too tight trousers are to the waist: entirely conducive to excess of conservative thoughts. And sneakers should be reserved for sports activities or public meetings where the need for a rapid escape from a police lathi (baton) charge is anticipated. As a rule, western style shoes go best with western style clothes and sandals or chappals go best with local style clothes. The only absolute no-no is wearing socks with sandals.

The writer has practiced and taught medicine in the US. He can be reached at smhmbbs70@yahoo.com