Dear Mathira & Rose, I am a 33-year-old girl and have two children. I’ve never worked in my life. I’m currently completing my PhD. I’m facing issues in my marriage. My in-laws are the worst coaxing my husband into not showing up at the time of my second child’s delivery. He supports his sister who I don’t get along with and she controls him along with his parents. I’ve never received any form of support from them; financial or emotional. We’re separated now for many months. I want to go back because of my attachment with my husband but he has wronged me so much and this time, I want him to apologise and come and get me. I had my weak moments in which I tried to contact him several times but he blocked me. My father talked to him and he just blamed me for everything. He even told him how I avoid physical contact with him after a fight. He told my dad that if I want to be with him, I can come back home but he won’t come and get me himself. My dad advised me to go back and work on my marriage. I’m just crying at lot these days and have fallen into a deep state of depression. I don’t want to go like this but I want to be with him also. However, I don’t want to lose my self-respect. I hate him but afraid to lose him. His extended family used to praise me for putting up with a man like that. If I leave him, how can I build a career in this age or can face this depression without him? I feel sometimes my heart is itching or I will die if I left this relationship but what he did or how he just ignored me at the time of delivery etc just makes me sad. Please guide me. I’m just dying with confusion and want to make my decision wisely. Regards, Sad Soul Mathira’s Advice: I’m going to start this step by step. #1 You want to fix your marriage but you have respect issues. You are letting your ego come in between and so is he. It’s not going to work like that. Let me tell you a secret. Sometimes, we need to be flexible so that when the storm comes, like a tree we might bend, but we need to go back up afterwards. I want you to be flexible and go home because you want to make your marriage work. #2 Stop saying you’re depressed. When you go back, just love your husband and don’t complain. Men get pissed off when they find their wives complaining about their family. Ignore them. Right now, you need to block all your in-laws. For you, your husband and your bond is what’s important. After that, focus on yourself and your looks. Also, it’s never too late to start a career. You’re not dying. Everything’s okay. I hear a very strong woman who right now is a little emotionally and mentally unbalanced just because she’s in love with her husband and wants him back. Be like an octopus. Spread those tentacles and get in the family. If your mother-in-law says something, just smile at her. Tell her to have a good day. If your sister-in-law says something, just hug her in front of your husband. Tell her she looks pretty and just get back to your husband. That’s how you block someone. They shouldn’t matter. When the bond with your husband grows, you’ll see changes. It’s just a small card I’m advising you to play. Today, it’s his day in the sun, tomorrow, it’ll be yours. It’s always like that. Enjoy love, have a great life. If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @real_mathira Rose’s Advice: By God’s Grace, you’re doing your PhD so it’s not like you’ll die if you left your husband or won’t have anyone with you. It’s not the end of the world. I understand that you’re attached to him but the fact that he wasn’t there at the time of his own child’s delivery has no justification. No matter his issues with you, the baby isn’t just yours. He shares the kid with you. The fact that his sister and parents control him, is never going to change. He knows you love him and will come back eventually. If you did that without him coming to get you, will only work against you. It’s clear that they don’t respect you. Even his extended family knows what kind of a guy he is that’s why they praise you. We normally praise a girl after marriage because we know what sort of people her in-laws are. I don’t understand why they’re treating you like that. They’ll never value you unless they lose you. They feel they’re entitled for people to put up with their nonsense, even if they’re hitting their wives and mistreating the children. Just because he’s a man, doesn’t entitle him to be this way. He should’ve been there at the hospital to support you, no matter what had happened. This is a wakeup call for you. You need to pull up your socks as this is a toxic marriage. It’s not like you’ll not be able to get a job or earn for your kids. You can do it, it’s just that you’re scared and don’t want to do it. Just detach yourself and don’t run after him. It’s puppy love. He seems to be having fun by blocking you. If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @rosemohammed777