Last year, Punjab Healthcare Commission made headlines with a robust campaign against quackery. Enforcement teams were trained that led to a series of crackdowns against fake clinics. While we are nowhere close to ending this menace, the present state of affairs clearly proposes that the nut is getting harder (nearly impossible) to crack. That fake medical doctors have spread their tentacles across small towns and villages offering healthcare to the vulnerable is old news. Their so-called (sordid) specialisation in treating ailments the likes of cancer and infertility is hardly surprising. For Pakistanis are now facing the onslaught of quackery 2.0! A woman died on Sunday, two weeks after a former security guard attempted to operate on her back wound. As a doctor. Inside Lahore’s Mayo Hospital. Let that sink in! An imposter at play inside a reputed public hospital indicates a shambolic breakdown of our healthcare that no one is ready for. Yet, a quick glance at the history of hospitals nearby suggests us being trapped in this deadly quagmire for quite some time now. Just last month, a fake doctor was arrested at Lahore General Hospital. His charge: extortion from patients in a surgical ward. However, the tip of the iceberg belongs to the woman who kept operating in the neurosurgery ward at Lahore’s Services Hospital for eight months in 2016. Such shockening was her stunt and the resulting question mark over the performance of health authorities that a provincial committee was formed for its investigation. Still, staying true to our blatant disregard for public health, its report never saw the light of day. Acknowledging that quackery is deep-rooted in our society is no solution. The health department cannot afford to put its hands up in the air and cry that these unlicensed professionals are here to stay. Since most of us have not yet fallen through the rabbit hole that Mayo Hospital’s administration is enjoying, not being able to “keep up with what every doctor and what everyone is doing at all times…(in)….a large hospital” is not an option. While Lahore Police has made headway by arresting the mountebank, taking action against him alone is not enough. Mayo hospital needs to answer some hard-hitting questions on what shady backdoor he used to fleece the entire system. Why wasn’t Lahore’s oldest hospital prepared to stop this brutal attack on its reputation in its tracks. How can the doctors working there expect an average man to trust them with his life? Who knows whether they actually possess the credentials they make much of? With just one distasteful incident, the credibility of the entire staff that had dedicated their lives to the welfare of their patients has gone down the drain. This is something neither the hospital nor the Punjab government can sweep under the rug. May it be through roping in investigation agencies or giving the required teeth to the Pakistan Medical and Dental Council, there should be a swift audit against whoever was an accomplice in this dirty trade. Nothing else would do. And if forming a commission and ensuring a public airing of its findings is not possible, let’s just shut doors of all hospitals. A large part of the public is already inclined to making a quick stop at their local “dawakhana.” Therein, chances of getting relief for a common health problem run high. In case the disease is more complicated, one can be referred to someone more “proficient.” Of course, there’s always the option of quoting Allah’s decree if the cards don’t fall in the patient’s favour. What better way is there to salt away any criminal wrongdoings than throwing the ball in the divine court! *