Dear Mathira and Rose I am a 40-year-old man and twice divorced. I was seeing this girl for a long time but my parents were not that fond of her as she belonged to an extremely rich and well off family and my parents thought if I married her, me who comes from a middle-class family, will always be under her thumb. I insisted a lot to my parents to get me married to her but they refused and ultimately I had to breakup with her and marry this girl of their choice. I was living in Canada at that time and after my marriage, she moved in with us. I was still thinking about my ex and never got over her. I couldn’t give my wife the love she deserved as I was always thinking about my ex. One day, I don’t know what happened but I told my wife everything. She was hurt and cried but told me to divorce her if I was still in love with my ex. So I divorced her. My parents were furious with me but I did what was needed to be done. After divorcing my wife, I came back to Pakistan and called my ex-girlfriend. I told her everything and begged her to marry me. She said ‘yes’ and we got married. My parents had literally disowned me. I moved in with my wife after marriage but just as my parents had predicted, it didn’t work out. Her father used to taunt me for not earning much, living with them instead of being able to afford a house, etc. Me and my wife began fighting a lot and it ended in divorce. Now, I’m miserable as anything. My parents called me back to Canada as I was in severe depression. Now after two years, they found a girl for me and want me settled. I’m a failure at relationships as you might have guessed by now. I honestly don’t want to get married at all now but my parents are old and they worry for me. What shall I do? Regards, Twice Unlucky Mathira’s Advice: First of all, I’d like to request every parent out there to stop forcing your children into marrying and not marrying. It’s because of your forcing that you ruin your child’s life. This is actually very bad. I feel sorry for you, brother. Please stop calling yourself a failure. People are also not to blame here. I just think luck wasn’t on your side. Sometimes, we do meet the right people at the wrong time and sometimes it’s quite the opposite. Time is everything and if time has punished you with so much heartbreak, depression and anxiety, trust me, it’s going to reward you too. If your parents are bringing someone, don’t turn her away. Befriend her first. See if it can happen. Now you don’t even have an ex to think about going back to. Now I think even you’ll give this relationship a 200 percent and when a man tries to give a relationship his 200 percent, trust me, that marriage is already successful. Always remember that. It’s something I tell my friends that a woman is always involved in it; it’s sometimes a man who gets lazy. But it’s a myth that when a man decides to give his 100 percent, he ends up giving 200 percent to make a relationship. Maybe she’ll turn out to be a blessing in your life. You cannot live in this depression dark hole forever. What’s done is done. You can’t change your past. You can’t go back and relive it every day and put yourself through this pain. Make a beautiful present and things will work out, Insha Allah. If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @real_mathira Rose’s Advice: Over here you can clearly see how your second marriage failed when you went against your parents’ wishes. It’s true when they say that parents only stop you from something when they know it’s not right for you. In your case, I don’t think it was much of the girls’ fault than it was of her parents. They might’ve been brainwashing her about you not earning enough and not having a place of your own, etc. So much bickering is bound to break off any marriage. In the end, it’s going to crack even the strongest of relationship if you’re fighting over the same thing every day. No matter how much you love each other, you’re going to end up fighting over this topic and money is something that turns even your own blood relatives against you. Also, love is not enough to sustain a relationship, especially if your girl belongs to a richer family than yours where her parents are constantly involved and supporting you financially. Of course, your parents had foreseen all of this and got you married to someone they thought would’ve been right for you. You wronged the girl you got married to initially for your ex-girlfriend. And now, your parents want to see you settled again before anything happens to them because they’re old. I think you should go with your parents’ choice because I believe love marriages are bound to fail after the honeymoon phase is over and you wake up to reality. The whole “Till death do us apart” concept flies out the window later. I think the best thing to do right now is to agree to what your parents want of you. If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @rosemohammed777