Dear Mathira and Rose
I’m a 62-year-old widow with three daughters. My husband was a very rich man and we raised our children in very lavish surroundings. However, when my daughters reached marriageable ages, owing to some bad decisions and falling prey to family politics, we lost everything and had to sell all our assets. We had to move into a very small rented apartment with no car or means to commute. My husband, who had gotten quite old, was not left with any job or income or a favourable pension with whom we could afford even a small car or pay our rent or bills on time. Thankfully, we had educated our daughters well during the time we had lots of money. All three are foreign qualified Masha Allah. They began working. One is a university professor, one is a doctor and the youngest is a social worker. We got the eldest married when my husband was still alive but shortly after her wedding, he passed leaving me alone with two unmarried daughters and no source of stable income. My daughters earn well but we still face many financial problems. However, we manage thankfully and don’t have to ask extended family members to help us. The thing is I’m very worried about my daughters’ future. I’m 62 and don’t feel well most of the time. I fear what if something happened to me? What will become of my daughters? They are single and how will they afford to live on rent? I urge them to get married but they are focusing on their careers. They don’t listen to me and are anti-marriage. Shall I let them be or keep forcing them? I worry for them all the time.
Regards,
Loving Mother
Mathira’s Advice:
First of all, don’t force your daughters as they’re working hard. Strong women go through phases and break down when they’re alone. Always remember that. They could be smiling on the outside but fighting their inner battles too. They might appear happy on the outside but are really quiet from the inside. The fact that they’re focused on their careers shouldn’t be a problem for you. They’re like this because they want to rebuild what they lost, which is good for them and that’s how it should be. I don’t believe in this. I believe a girl should be financially stable for herself. If she does find a good, stable husband, then Masha Allah. A woman’s goal in life shouldn’t be to find a rich guy. This shouldn’t be every mother’s motto for her daughter. If they do find a good home to marry, nothing like it, but a mother’s motto for her daughter should be that the girl should be the boss of her own life.
If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @real_mathira
Rose’s Advice:
I don’t understand why you’re worried because they’re educated and are earning so I’m sure they’re capable of taking care of their lives. I’m sure they’ll work and take care of their lives even when you won’t be around. If they find a partner, they’ll get married. It’s stupid to want for them to get married because you’re scared what will become of them after your passing. You want a man to look after them. What guarantee do you have that the marriage will be successful and that man will look after them? I don’t think it’s a wise decision to keep forcing them to get married. Just support them that they’re Masha Allah working and are qualified. They have good jobs and Insha Allah will have a bright future ahead of them. I don’t think you should force them to get married and just let them be.
If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @rosemohammed777