Dear Mathira & Rose, I am a 32-year-old based in Lahore. I’m a working woman and quite successful in my line of work, Alhamdulillah. I dated this guy for four years and was deeply in love with him. He was two years younger to me but that was never an issue between us. We used to work together initially, that was how we met also. But then he found a better job and left my office. Even that didn’t affect our relationship and we went stronger than ever. We spent four years better than how a married couple does. We laughed, loved, ate, travelled together, drove together, partied together – it was perfect. Yes, we fought too, we were human after all and had our flaws but always made up as neither of us thought we could live without the other. We talked about marriage all the time but whenever his parents used to call my parents to set up a time to meet, that very day on which his parents had to come, they cancelled on us. This continued for weeks. He told me his parents were against him marrying of his choice and he was trying to handle the situation. Years went by, we were happy as a couple but this marriage thing was off the table for now. Four years passed and he couldn’t convince his parents. I started being unhappy, insecure and uncertain about our future. We began fighting a lot. One day, I lost it. I went to his house with a friend where we had a big fight over which he dumped me saying I had a bad temper and I wasn’t the right girl for him. I was devastated. I cried and begged him to take me back but he didn’t listen. It’s been one year now since our breakup. I still miss him and I think I love him too. The first few months of our breakup were so hard for me, there were days when I used to think I’ll die. I’ll simply cease to exist. But as months went by, it became a little better. Now a year later, he still hasn’t contacted me. Shall I move on? Will he ever come back? Does he miss me? What about all those memories we made? Should I blame myself for the breakup? Help me Regards, Trying To Heal Mathira’s Advice: You shouldn’t blame yourself. You did what you thought was right at that time. We should give people time and chances but that doesn’t mean they own us. We should never stop thinking about our own selves. Ask yourself who is your favourite person? Is it your mom? Or dad? Your niece or nephew? Is it a friend of yours or your grandmother? Is it your sister or cousin? For you, it was your ex, I’m sure whereas it should’ve been your own self. Had you put yourself first, you would’ve been in a sound frame of mind and have been able to remain calm instead of losing it that day. You would’ve been happier, calm and positive. Your family and friends need that energy from you, not him. You can only love the other when you yourself are free from anxiety and depression and that can only happen if you put yourself first in a relationship. But you didn’t do that. Anyway, what’s done is done. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. When a person pushes you to your knees in a relationship, please realise that he’s not the one for you and you’re now in a toxic relationship. Poison cannot become water or an energy drink. There are some relationships that are just toxic and remain toxic. Just cut him out of your thoughts. Where he is, who is he with? What would he be doing right now? That’s his matter now. You have your present with you and your present decisions will make your future. Please make your decisions wisely. Leave him because I think you have healed and I’m happy for you. You might think you miss him, but you’re only the missing the memories. Always remember that. You have healed which a great thing but please don’t look back and blame yourself over how the relationship ended. Also, whatever’s written for you will reach you. You can try repeatedly and make an effort but until and unless Allah has written that person for you, you’ll never have him. I read somewhere that if you let go a little bit, it gives you a little bit of peace. If you let go a lot, it gives you a lot of peace but if you let it all go, it’ll give you eternal peace. So let it all go and focus on where you are in life and what you have to do now. Good luck. If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @real_mathira Rose’s Advice: I’m sorry you think that it’s your fault but looking at all of this, I don’t think it is. Some people just like to buy time. What this guy was doing with you for four years was simply enjoy all the perks of being in a relationship because you were truly in love with him, were loyal and giving him everything that he needed. So he was just in it for the joyride. He knew from the start that he will eventually marry of his parents’ choice. That’s why he always scheduled the meeting to give you hope and push time. Temporarily, he tried to fix things until one a day, you blew up. He wanted that actually. He wanted you to do something like this so he would play the victim and that’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re blaming yourself. He knew that after four years he comes up to you and says my parents aren’t agreeing, then he’d take the blame. He knew that friends and office colleagues would call him stupid for strumming you along for four years and not even marrying you. For the time being, he pretended to be fixing everything with his parents and telling you they were coming when he knew from the start that those meetings will never happen. The wedding will never take place. He was just there to pass time. The relationship and the love was probably just from your end. It feels one-sided because the one who wants to do it, manages. And even if after a year, he hasn’t come back then sweetheart, he really wanted this to end in a way that he doesn’t feel guilty and right now, who’s on the guilt trip? It’s you. He played the reverse psychology where he pushed you to the extent that you got all angry and gave him an excuse to break up. I’m sure he’s telling his friends right now that she wanted to get married and I wasn’t ready so I dumped her. It’s just like I said, he wanted a way out of the relationship without feeling guilty. He played this card. I’m sorry that you had to go with this whole turmoil and I know that it can be very tough when you give your 100 percent with your honesty and loyalty and then they ditch you. Trusting someone else will take you a lot of time, because getting out of wrong relationships is really hard. If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @rosemohammed777