Dear Mathira and Rose I am a 30-year-old married woman. I’ve a few issues which are making me very sick, mentally tensed and unstable. I got married five years back. I conceived after six months but suffered a miscarriage after 24 weeks. Now after trying for three years, I’m unable to conceive. I’m obese, as in around 110kg and 5ft 4inch height. I try a lot to lose weight but end up not losing no matter how hard I try. I’m so sick of this situation, I can’t help myself anymore. I feel socially awkward and don’t want to meet any new people. I’m unable to do anything professionally as well. I’m failing in everything I want to do. I lost my job as well now so I’m at home. All these things have made me totally sick and now I have severe health anxiety and I don’t think I’m able to cope with anything. I have been on antidepressants as well. Maybe this is a phase of life but I’ve been in the same phase for the last five years. I’m losing all patience. What should I do? Sometimes, I feel Allah has left me. All my class fellows are now at good positions personally and professionally and here I am in such a bad state. I don’t think my life will ever improve. I don’t know what to do further. I’ve lost all hope and sometimes I have suicidal thoughts too, but I know it’s a sin to kill yourself so I try to divert my mind. Please tell me what should I do. Regards, Fat & Helpless Mathira’s Advice: First of all, relax. It’s a test. Always remember that just as good days don’t last, similarly bad ones don’t either. Right before the sun comes out, it’s the darkest hour of the night. Just one ray of sunlight brightens the entire sky. Our lives are also like that. Blessings drop in our laps and brighten our lives for us that makes us wonder what we ever did to deserve something so wonderful. You need to stop taking anti-depressants as they also trigger weight gain. Secondly, also get your hormones checked to see if they’re okay or not. Thirdly, so what if you lost your job? Apply elsewhere. Keep trying and keep your mind busy with that. Be happy for your friends. If they’re at good positions, give them a thumbs up instead of cutting them out of your life. I wonder why people cover their scars. If you have scars, show them. Show the world what you’ve gone through. Scars are experiences of life. Spend time with your friends. This too shall pass. You’re gaining weight because you’re sitting at home and battling anxiety. Weight gain also hinders your chances of getting pregnant. Try IVF and Australian concepts, they’re really good. Take my advice, you need to go out. Don’t lock yourself in the house. Whenever I feel anxious, I start cleaning out my wardrobe or start colouring. I do things that divert my mind and that really helps me. You need to get yourself off the pills and relax. Just look at yourself and remember, fat girls can be pretty. I’m 75kgs too but I’m happy and I own it. Being beautiful doesn’t mean you’ve to be slim or fair-skinned, rather it’s how your heart is, how charming you are and if you’ve the right attitude. Beauty is you. Everyone’s beautiful in their own way. You just have to know how to take it and shine. So shine bright, love. If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @real_mathira Rose’s Advice: First of all, I’d like to tell you that no, you’re not failing. You’re only going through mid-life crisis. This phase will pass and it’s just like I said, you’re not failing. Okay? We’ve all been through this. Everyone in life has hit rock bottom. This is your rock bottom okay? But that doesn’t mean you end this life. No. Okay? Allah has given you this life and it’s a sin to end it. So hang in there and I’m sure he’s written something amazing for you. You know children, destiny and finances are planned by Allah. So this is just a phase, sweetheart. Please seek therapy. Please go out and join a gym. Push yourself. You’ve accepted defeat that’s why you feel down. You need to motivate yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. I’ll repeat that you need to motivate yourself. Talk to yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself that enough and that you’re done with this pity party. Tell yourself that you’re done feeling sorry for yourself. Tell yourself that you’re joining a gym. Step one is go on a diet. Step two is join a gym. Step three is seek therapy. Either monthly sessions or weekly sessions, that your psychologist will tell you. You need to do these things because gym is a form of anti-depressant too. After coming home from gym, we feel happy and motivated. And I swear to God, even if you lose a kilo, one feels so happy. I was obese once too. I weighed a 100 kilos. And once, when I lost two kilos, I was happy for an entire week. Push yourself and hit the gym. I know it’s hard. One feels awkward and feels like going at a time when the gym isn’t that crowded. I know when you’re heavy, it’s difficult to work out. You feel awkward and think maybe everyone’s looking at you. Try going at a time when there are only ladies. If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @rosemohammed777