Dear Mathira and Rose, I am a 43-year-old man who has recently separated from his wife. It’s only been two months since “the talk” and two weeks since we have separated but the whole thing has been incredibly confusing and painful. She’s now dressing differently, her hair is different and even her nails which rarely happened in the 15 years we were together. I still come by our house to get the kids and I see boxes of new clothes and shoes almost every day. There was even one box open with these really long boots. What I don’t get is why she couldn’t have tried this hard when we were together? And now that we aren’t together, she’s putting so much effort into her looks to attract the attention of other men? I’m angry and resentful. I think about this stuff all the time and it really hurts that she would throw away more than a decade of love, child raising and growth just to act like she’s 20 again. Regards, Confused Ex Mathira’s Advice: If you’re separated, you should know that everyone has their own space and their own way of dealing with stress. Some deal with it by binge eating, some deal by shopping. Some go out and act as though stress never existed in their life. Some really fall into depression and some just focus on themselves, trying to tell themselves that everything’s okay. If a woman is wearing fancy clothes to look pretty, it’s not to attract men. It’s to make herself feel beautiful. The same thing goes with you guys. If you guys are purchasing Gucci shoes or whatever, you’re not wearing them to attract a girl. Ninety-nine percent of the time, we buy stuff because we like it. We never buy anything thinking will wearing this make a guy like me? No, it’s never like that. If she’s dressing up, she’s taking out her stress that way. She’s trying to make herself happy by her appearance. I think you also need to focus on more positive things in your life. Why don’t you focus on yourself also, like your health? Join a gym. Try to become the guy that she would desire. Maybe she’s doing all that because she wanted to see the same change in you. Whatever’s better for you both will work out. But always remember, whenever a couple gets divorced, they should always remain friends, especially when they share kids. You guys have shared special moments together. No divorce should be ugly. You should always have a friend or a partner within that, which is very compulsory. If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @real_mathira Rose’s Advice: I’m really sorry for the experience that you’re going through. I’m sure it’s not easy for anybody to live with someone for a decade and then separate and watch them groom themselves. But going back, instead of being resentful and hating her, I think you should actually do what she’s doing. You should work on yourself and try to restart your life. Work on yourself and love yourself. Because right now what she’s doing is loving herself. Shopping is therapy and everyone has their own way of coping. Some hit the gym, some dance, some shop because shopping is therapy like I said. Basically, maybe she’s hurting, and that’s her way of coping. She’s working on herself and loving herself. My only suggestion is that you also work on yourself. Find something that you love. Maybe like a hobby that you gave up a long time ago owing to lack of time or being with family, etc. Pick that up. Go out. Just basically love yourself because I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong. She’s just loving herself and as a human being, I think everyone has the right to live their life. You’re separated and are no longer together, what do you expect her to do? Stay depressed and curl up in the bed? She’s a strong woman and coping and I expect you to do the same. Find something that you love and go out. Hang out with your friends and hit the gym. Work on yourself instead of hating her. If you want sisterly advice on any issue, DM me @rosemohammed777