Daily Times

Of all the vices in nature, which cause the severest burning of feeling and are most universally felt are ‘Ingratitude’ and ‘unrequited love’. Because both vices arise from non-reciprocity of sentiments, therefore qualitatively speaking I regard them similar in nature to each other, though one is general and the other is peculiarly human more specifically between two loving partners.

The whole gamut of theology and literature revolves around these two painful conditions. According to the Quran, the ‘Kafir’ or infidel who ranks lowest in His creations is because of his refusal and ingratitude to the bounties of His Creator. Similarly The Bible condemns the ungrateful people as the greatest of sinners.

Shakespeare’s great tragedy, ‘King Lear’ is all about ‘ingratitude.’ King Lear has cut a deal with the two more flattering of his three daughters: he will give them their share in the kingdom as long as he is given the respect due to a king, and so long as they alternately host him and his train of a hundred knights. Once they’ve got their share, the two daughters, Regan and Goneril renege on their part of the bargain. When Goneril, objects to the King’s guards, the king is furious. In deep agony , he shouts, “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is/To have a thankless child!” Thus an ungrateful child causes pain to the parent sharper than a snakebite.

Love is a subjective emotion, but it is a paradox that it needs a physical expression to make it felt, because it wants to be reciprocated to the same degree as the lover who gives it. A love which does not make itself felt physically, often goes waste or creates misgivings in the person loved. Thus subjective love alone is hardly sufficient to make a lasting impact on the subject for whom it is expressed.

Have we ever told our parents how many times we loved them and are thankful for every little thing that they did for us? How many times have we told our child that he is the apple of oureyes, the greatest of all the blessing God has given us? Did we take out some time to tell our siblings that because of them our childhood picture is so colorful? In the early days of marriage have we ever told our spouse that we have loved him/her and have repeated this claim for enough times to let him/her be assured of our love for all the remaining period of our marital life? Probably not, because generally we assume that living together is enough to convey that the spouses continue to love each other and that no physical expression or caring manifestation is necessary to indicate this love.

What very few of us realize is that it is in the very nature of the emotion of love that it needs reaffirmation and re-assurance at every step in life, and the common assumption that we love each other without ever letting him/her feel the existence of this finest emotion which binds them together. Love is such a delicate emotion that if it is not reaffirmed quite frequently, it tends to go stale, stagnant, insipid and finally wither away so completely as if it was never there. Thus it is very natural that we all want to be told that we are loved…whenever love is expressed to us by a friend, or sibling, or parent or life partner. This lets us feel elated and important and we enjoy that moment ever after. But the tragedy is that we always hesitate to take out some time and let others know about the love we carry for them in our hearts.

What very few of us realize is that it is in the very nature of the emotion of love that it needs reaffirmation and re-assurance at every step in life

No matter how old your love is, no matter how many times it has been expressed, Love needs expression always…every now and then…with words and cute acts…so let all the loved ones know how much you love them and add some life to their living! This is the observation of famous American clinical Psychologist Dianne Grande who has treated thousands of her patients. As a couple’s therapist, she says, I often hear comments such as “Why doesn’t he ever give me gifts? Why can’t she give me the encouragement that I need? What will it take for him to do his share of the chores at home? It would be nice to hear that she appreciates me.” The general expressions of love which are essential are, spending time together, giving/receiving gifts, words of encouragement or belief in each other’s abilities, helpful behaviors, physical affection, and words of caring or appreciation.

People who are unthankful will naturally have negative personalities, find it easy to complain about little things, or easily become moody. Their minds aren’t deeply rooted and grounded in a positive or thankful pattern of thinking, therefore when something comes up that doesn’t please their nature, they quickly forget about the goodness that God has blessed them with, and begin to complain and grumble. This brings about a negative/pessimistic personality or mood which makes it their permanent feature.

Our Urdu poet Amjad Islam Amjad is a poet of very fine sensibilities. In one of his landmark poems, ‘Love’s Permanence’ he expresses this thought and I quote his opening lines where he declares: “Mohabbatkitabiyat me yehkaisabachpanaqudrat ne rakhahai/K yehjjitnipurani, jitnibhimuzbout ho jaye/Isetaeed e taazakizaroratphirbhirehtihai”….and out-goes a string of extremely fascinating imagery explaining the profusion and dispersion of love in all objects of nature craving from each one an affirmation and assurance of its permanent existence. The poet suggests that for the people to be happy, there should be a continuous, free and unfettered expression of love at each moment of their life.

The writer is a former member of the Provincial Civil Service, and an author of Moments in Silence