Dear Mathira & Rose,
I am 30 years old. There is this guy I’m talking to and everything about him is perfect. For example, he’s respectful, funny, is an absolute gentleman, is a good practicing Muslim and we also have the same interests. The only problem is he seems too eager. Almost thirsty and I don’t mean thirsty for sex or to get physical but he’s a little more into me than I’m into him and although I really like him for the person he is, I’m just not that attracted to him. In short, my practical brain says, I’ve hit the jackpot with such a decent guy, but my heart says he’s not quite the one. So brain over heart or heart over brain, ladies? I keep thinking what if I do go with my brain, get married to this person and then find the love of my life? Am I over thinking?
Rose’s advice:
First of all, I’d like to ask you what love means to you. You need to ask yourself this very question. According to movies’, love is when you look at someone, you feel light-headed and dizzy, you feel the wind blowing in your hair, etc. But this is according to movies. If you’re 30 years old, that’s pretty much the benchmark for being halfway through your life. The guy you’ve found is respectful, funny, an absolute gentleman, a good practising Muslim and not thirsty to get physical. I’m confused. You want to leave him because he’s into you? The last time I checked, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. I don’t really get the part where your brain is saying he’s a good guy and you’ve hit the jackpot. He wants to get married to you and that’s a plus point, it means he’s not passing time with you. But your heart says you need to find the love of your life. How exactly would you describe the love of your life? Because the traits your current guy has are strong qualities.
Mathira’s advice:
If he’s into you, that’s good. Don’t over think. Give the guy six months of good time. You shouldn’t involve your feelings. Give him six months of the relationship and emotionally, keep yourself detached. Just see what he can do for you. Some guys have a mask that comes off after four to five months. The reality comes out after a fight and then you see the real him. But some guys are actually nice. After six months or even six years, they’re good to you. I’ve learned that in life, be with someone who loves you more rather than someone who you love more. The man who loves you more will learn and care for your feelings. But if you love someone more, you’ll end up getting hurt in the worst way possible. So, that’s all I’m going to say. Just enjoy your life and don’t over think. It’s a small thing. Give him six months. If he’s thirsty or hungry or whatever, don’t get sexually involved with him. Just see how far he can go for you. That’s it.
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